we fight to lose

we fight for pride

ugh. i am so pissed ish right now. not neccessarily angry, just...frustrated. tom had lied to me on thursday, which i sort of knew and carl confirmed. and i cannot STAND being lied to. i dont care if i dont like the truth, i want to hear it anyways. so when i confronted him, he got angry at ME, he said. "im just gonna hang up if ur gonna be mad at me." that is so not fair. i think i have a right to be angry when im lied to. i think i deserve an explanation or at least, the very least, an apology. i dont know.
i dont like having to act like a fucking babysitter sometimes. like im his mother....do your hw. stop skipping. stop smoking. i dont want to lay down rules!! i like feeling in charge, i do not want to feel like a dictator. andrea told me about how she said she needs to skip again sometime soon, and she said when she mentioned it tom said something about maybe coming with her. WTF he promised me he wouldnt, said he didnt want to anymore cuz its not worth it. yeah its not worth it, is he just lying about knowing that too though? =\\\
i dont like feeling like i cant trust him. i want to know i can trust him to keep his word, but i havent really had that feeling since that time when he broke his promise, skipped with avery, and got caught. dlkfjf and he keeps not calling me when he says he will. kldsjflkdffffffffffff

i also think kate likes him again (still?). it doesnt really bug me if she does, but is she going to try and steal him away from me? it worries me. i know he loves me, but if i get him angry enough would he do something with kate for revenge? shes not stupid, if she wants to get him away from me she could proobablyy manage it sooner or later.

i just need to know hes not going to do anything to hurt me. words dont really say that. i dont know what will.

and every time you go to sleep at night

i wonder what you hide behind closed eyes

i like that song ^ X]
ugh today was painfulllll. im actually kind of glad breaks over cauzz im about to kill victoria and i miss seeing tom. once all break is NOT ENOUGH. im bored anyways.
today i had to chase karina around the rec center for 2 hours, i am so tired now. yesterday me and tom talked on the phone for a long time again...seriously, i am so surprised that i havent run out of pointless things to talk to him about. (which is really good. if i had run out of things to talk about im willing to bet we wouldnt be going out.) =\ i need a bigger ipod. if anyone feels like buying me an expensive electronic device just cauz they love me a lot and pity my insanity (2gb is making me suicidal), feel free.
obviously, this was all semi unimportant. im just really bored. call me. i miss you.

thats about all.

i wanna die like god on the cover of time

Just a blink and it's gone, so baby pour some fame in my glass

so i finally remembered to make a blog. chyeah. ok. so my family is driving me insanee.
my 11 year old sister, victoria--> major brat (is she old enough for it to be considered bitch?) mode. ask her to do something, and its all complaints. give her no as an answer, you just guaranteed yourself misery.
the babies are LOUD and raising my blood pressure, and my mom is annoying as usual. shes actually being kind of ok about tom, but...still. its like, shes stressed i guess, so she gets a bit annoying. and they cant leave me alone. its like my door to my room is nonexistant. i cant even come out without my ipod anymore because i get so annoyed. i guess im getting more intolerant of the little kids, i know i should be more helpful, but its just not going to happen because i cant really take it. ive always been too independant; now its gotten to where i actually dont want them to talk to me without me speaking first, which of course is ridiculous. rrrrrr. i need to see tom. im actually looking forward to returning to school. is that weird? :\