but know I know that I'm crazy (I think that I'm going nowhere)

So scream loud and look at me way down,
I know that you're afraid,
I'll hold you close and never, ever let you go

So it feels like forever since I’ve done this. I’m going to wait a few minutes longer because im pissed from my texts not sending; the last ten or so I sent never went anywhere and it took me half an hour to realize why no one was responding. My phone is shit.

So yeah. Im breaking my promise. I cant do it. Ive had a little thing for dom for a while and it was given a chance to turn into something, and it did, and it would be stupid to risk something like that for something as insignificant as my pride. My pride can recover and can be given another chance; this cant. And its what I want now. I change my mind a lot, its who I am. I contain multitudes. I liked that part of Song of Myself. It was his best.

However, this doesn’t give reason to rub it in my face. Im perfectly aware of what im doing. I don’t need help in realizing that I went against what I said id do. Im not retarded and I don’t need that. The only purpose that will serve is if you don’t want me talking to you, because that’s exactly what will happen. It will only serve to severely irritate me.

Its so hard to have deep conversations with some people. They just aren’t capable of thinking that deeply. Its sad. I try.

My drivers ed teacher is weird and never shuts up. This is going to be a painful three weeks. Today she had us draw a map of where our house is for convenience reasons and she had to explain to some kid that when you draw a map the lines represent the roads. Dumbass.

You know I always stay up without sleepin'

And think to myself; "Where do I belong forever, in whose arms, the time and place?"


i like being single.

he apologized. i told him he better cause yeah, he was an asshole and im not gonna put up with his shit. and i mean it.

the way we're living makes no sense

take me back to the age of innocence

hes probably gonna see this. but you know what? i dont care. let him think what he wants.

wexlackxamity (2:34:54 PM): i started talking to him on facebook a few weeks ago when i got texting

wexlackxamity (2:34:59 PM): and then he started texting me

wexlackxamity (2:35:20 PM): and we were having rly in depth convos, like about religion and stuff and wewere arguing for like a week about which is better scrubs or house

wexlackxamity (2:35:31 PM): and he was being rllllllllllllly flirty and so it was fun

wexlackxamity (2:35:37 PM): and that kept up and stuff

wexlackxamity (2:35:42 PM): and then last weekend we hung out

wexlackxamity (2:35:53 PM): and hed told me he owed me a hug

wexlackxamity (2:36:05 PM): but then at school when i saw him he kept telling me hed give me my hug later

wexlackxamity (2:36:09 PM): and so i f inally asked him why

wexlackxamity (2:36:17 PM): and he said he didnt wanna make ppl mad and i was like what

wexlackxamity (2:36:40 PM): and he sasid he didnt want ppl to think we were more than we were and stuff and so i asked him why he cared so muich what ppl thought as long as he and i knew the truth

wexlackxamity (2:36:57 PM): and he said he didnt wanna be more than friends cause itd hurt melissa birds feelings

wexlackxamity (2:37:00 PM): who he likes on and off

wexlackxamity (2:37:10 PM): but then i told him i dont even wanna be more (cause i dont)

wexlackxamity (2:37:18 PM): and he said he likes me on and off, like he does her

wexlackxamity (2:37:23 PM): and i told him thats ok cause im the same way

wexlackxamity (2:37:55 PM): and ev er since then we were good at first but then later in the week he would like text me but not go rly in depth abou anything and it seemed like he was texting me but didnt rly wanna talk

wexlackxamity (2:37:59 PM): and he stopped being flirty

wexlackxamity (4:49:08 PM): and then yesterday:

wexlackxamity (11:27:08 PM):me and lucas got in another lil spat and im irritated

wexlackxamity (11:28:13 PM):ummm okay so ever since that day when we talked about what we were adn stuff we were good

wexlackxamity (11:28:20 PM):but he doesnt flirt too much with me any more

wexlackxamity (11:28:33 PM):and he isnt all nice as much any more

wexlackxamity (2:42:27 PM): wexlackxamity (11:28:49 PM):and so hell be kind of a btich a lot, it didnt help that he hasnt been s leeping

wexlackxamity (11:29:21 PM):and so he says bitchy things a lot and its getting annoying cause hell tell me one thing then act meanish

wexlackxamity (11:29:31 PM):adn so today he did it again and i finally asked him why the fuck hes doing that

wexlackxamity (11:29:36 PM):and he never responded. i think he feels awkward about melissa bird

wexlackxamity (11:33:31 PM):this morning we got in a lil fight about his theoretical gf

wexlackxamity (11:34:33 PM):ok cause like

wexlackxamity (11:34:36 PM):i told him what karina did

wexlackxamity (11:34:53 PM):and he said he thinks i should slap her in the face

wexlackxamity (11:35:00 PM):and i said thats almsot as bad as slappin your gf

wexlackxamity (11:35:05 PM):and he said my gf?

wexlackxamity (11:35:10 PM):and i said your theoretical gf

wexlackxamity (11:35:12 PM):and he said which one

wexlackxamity (11:35:15 PM):and i was like which what??

wexlackxamity (11:35:22 PM):and he was like which theoretical gf

wexlackxamity (11:35:30 PM):and i was like i didnt mean anyone

wexlackxamity (11:35:41 PM):and he was like well i haev more than one theoretical gf

wexlackxamity (11:35:58 PM):and i was like are you trying to sau the person determines if its ok to slap her? and btw you msnwhore:]

wexlackxamity (11:36:12 PM):and he was like no theyre all slappable, blow me i am not a man whore

wexlackxamity (11:36:26 PM):and i was like how the fuck do you have more than one theoretical gf

wexlackxamity (11:37:03 PM):and i explained that its not like a gf unless you act like youre dating

wexlackxamity (11:37:11 PM):and he said then he guesses he just has one

wexlackxamity (11:37:18 PM):and i told ihm i dont approve of slapping bird

wexlackxamity (11:37:23 PM):and he said he doesnt care what i approve of

x3 cinematic (4:50:53 PM): wow.

wexlackxamity (4:50:56 PM): yeah.

x3 cinematic (4:51:01 PM): douchbag, much?

wexlackxamity (4:51:03 PM): so i stopped talkign to him and he never responded.

x3 cinematic (4:51:07 PM): *douchebag! i can spell.

wexlackxamity (4:51:17 PM): i figure if he wants to talk to me, he can start by crawling back on his knees.

wexlackxamity (4:51:22 PM): i dont have to put up with his shit

x3 cinematic (4:52:20 PM): good for you. (:

wexlackxamity (4:52:22 PM): :]

wexlackxamity (4:52:45 PM): im glad im doing this, because i never ever am the strong one in these situations and its time i start.

x3 cinematic (4:53:04 PM): he used to do that all the time. be really nice and then act like a complete asshole. of course, that was eight grade, and you said he's changed, but still.

wexlackxamity (4:53:12 PM): up until this week he had.

wexlackxamity (4:53:38 PM): he never does anything outright mean, and before if we were kidding around and he went too far hed sincerely apologize

wexlackxamity (4:53:48 PM): and make sure i knew he didnt mean anything and was just joking

wexlackxamity (4:54:02 PM): but i mean, yesterday and the few days before that he seemed like he didnt give a shit

x3 cinematic (4:54:20 PM): i'm proud of you. he's being an asshole.

wexlackxamity (4:54:42 PM): thank you. i hope i can keep it up. because we have a lot in common and hes so easy to talk to. aarghgdsfdfdfrjy.

wexlackxamity (4:54:52 PM): its a good thing i gave up dating though cause it does simplify it

x3 cinematic (4:57:24 PM): mm. i think it's stupid of him to say that he likes people on and off and then refer to them as "theoretical girlfriends." it's not as if he has to like the same person all the time, but it's not fitting to call them that unless there's is actually something solid between them.

wexlackxamity (4:57:35 PM): thats what i told him

wexlackxamity (4:57:47 PM): i told him its just a girl he has a crush on or talks to a lot unless they actually act like theyre dating

wexlackxamity (4:58:03 PM): i think maybe he was fishing to see if i was referrign to myself

wexlackxamity (4:58:12 PM): and then when i didnt

wexlackxamity (4:58:14 PM): it pissed him off

wexlackxamity (4:58:20 PM): but i could be being too egotistical here

x3 cinematic (4:58:29 PM): no, that's a valid hypothesis.

wexlackxamity (4:58:47 PM): i didnt want to do that though, because i didnt want to give him any sort of power over me. :..

x3 cinematic (4:58:59 PM): that makes sense.

wexlackxamity (4:59:08 PM): and its not like i can ask if thats what he was doing, so i guess ill never know unless he tells e

x3 cinematic (5:00:02 PM): which he probably won't.

wexlackxamity (5:00:07 PM): i think i also insulted him when i called him a manwhore. but really. 1. i was kidding and 2. what do you expect when you say yuo have more than one girl who you think of as your girlfriend

x3 cinematic (5:01:32 PM): he should have known you were kidding, and honestly, i probably would have said the same thing. if he's going to be insistent on flirting with several people while he still refers to someone as his "theoretical girlfriend," then he deserves to be called a manwhore.

wexlackxamity (5:01:39 PM):eeexactlyyy.

wexlackxamity (5:02:26 PM): i told him flat out that i dont want to be more than friends but also that i like him on and off, like he does me. i also told him i think hes leading melissa bird in circles because she does like him and he acts like he does but it depends on his mood and hes not doing anything about it. he never commented on that last part.