Break away from everybody, break away from everything

If you can't stand the way this place is, take yourself to higher places

So it would be wonderful if i could just let go of things that don't matter. People I dislike, in particular. I know what I SHOULD do. I SHOULD let bygones be bygones, and let people I dislike live their lives and I live mine, with no confrontation or held grudges. Just get along in peace, maybe even attempt to resolve things. HOWEVER. My personality is such that when I dislike someone, I get actually angry every time they are mentioned or hear their name. I'm vindictive so that I wish everyone else hated them too. It would be wonderful if they would just up and move to Zimbabwe. And the thought of resolving things with them disgusts me.

But that's unrealistic and frankly childish, so I'm attempting to resolve to just let them be and not interact, therefore no confrontation. No drama. I hate drama. You can't avoid drama when you seek out confrontation. I should probably be less of a bitch.



But on the other hand, I have better things to worry about. So maybe I should just focus on graduating and moving on, leaving the people who anger me behind...probably only to find new people who anger me. But maybe by that point I'll be capable of dealing with them without wanting to punch their face in.

It's a start.

You had to have it all

Well have you had enough?

I really, really, REALLY wonder why i try sometimes. You create your own problems.

Thanks for ruining my day off.

Nice legs, daisy dukes, makes a man go [whistle] Thats the way they all come through like [whistle whistle]

Low-cut, see-through shirts that make you [whistles]
Thats the way she come through like [whistles]

So I've been having some issues lately. My old style of dressing really isn't going over too well, due to my lower-than-some shirts actually having something to show now. It pisses off my mother, who tells me I'm dressed like a skank, and it pisses off my boyfriend, who doesn't appreciate every guy that's taller than me staring down my shirt (or every average height or shorter guy staring at my chest.) Which, of course, is understandable. I also don't like jeans, due to their discomfort and the fact that all my old jeans have become too tight in the ass-waist-etc area.

So i guess I need to find some other way to dress. So far this school year I've worn jeans twice. Maybe once. I'm going with twice just in case I'm forgetting some time in September(I feel like I am).

School's getting kind of difficult. So far I actually seem to have less homework than last year, but I've discovered AP Calc is far, far over my head. Mr. Coates wants me to try being tutored by one of last year's students, but I have a feeling that isn't going to help much. He said if it doesn't we can talk about being switched into the other Calc class two doors down. WHICH is also AP Calc. I don't think when I talked to him, he understood that me wanting out of his class meant wanting to move DOWN. Like, to CALC. Not a slower AP Calc with an equally deficient teacher.

Sigh. On my relationship front, things are going well. I'm very happy. Only I'm still grounded till homecoming. Which somehow has improved my relationship with my mother...I don't understand why. I mean, you'd think that her discovering I've betrayed her morals would make us worse, when actually it's made us fight not at all in these past two weeks. I no longer am cool with Dom's mom though:\ because she acted like a child when I told her she betrayed my trust and I no longer trust her. WHICH IS PERFECTLY REASONABLE. I didn't tell her 'hey it didn't make sense for you to tell my parents'. I understood that as a mother she was doing what she thought was right. I'm just saying that it's also perfectly reasonable for me to fear the time will come when anything else I tell her will have to be told. But instead of understanding this, she came at me with the response of a preteen girl. Or perhaps a six-year-old. "Well, if you don't trust me, you can't come over. *yeah. so there. sticks tongue out*". I mean, does that not seem awfully immature to you?

SOOO it went on that way for two weeks and then yesterday I was informed that she says she's sorry for telling my parents. My response to that was, I wasn't angry about that, I was angry about the fact that I have absolutely zero respect for her after her emotional maturity was proved to be younger than my own. (I'm sorry, but WHY exactly do I have to be your friend to date your son...?)

I got my homecoming dress and it was seventy five dollars and that was all the money I had outside of my saved money, so therefore I am about broke. I've gotten some money since then, from babysitting and the money my grandpa gives me every weekend, but because every time I get money half goes into my saved money, I still only have about 20 bucks. I had almost thirty but I bought Dom some really awesome boxers that were five dollars and I got dq with sarah the other day. Whatever. I still have like 500 saved.

My parents have informed me that if I show incentive to drive, they will get me a car. Therefore, I have been showing incentive to drive. I'm getting slightly better but I've discovered that if I think about it I do worse. My turns could use work (I tend to slow down too much) and I have issues maintaining speed. But other than that I drive fine. OH AND BACKING UP I HATE BACKING UP. :]

I want a job but I also want to volunteer and I'm also a junior in high school which means these three things don't go very well together.

Karina has this thing she does where as soon as she's told something she doesn't like, she cries like a baby. If she doesn't do that she just screams. Like, a single angry shriek. It's horribly irritating and I don't like her. Rebecca is cute.

Oh and I've discovered that I don't really like many people and as a result most of my school time is spent being irritated. Especially in health class. Sophomores as a whole are irritating.

I sleep a lot.

J'aurai traverser la mer

pour marcher dans tes pas

i should be doing my homework. for the last two weeks, i have not cared about my homework and i no longer care that i have no idea whats going on in two of my classes and all my homework is copied. i just want out.

i should be doing biology right now. i took a nap instead. and then remembered my blog exists.

i have nothing to say.