I wanted to write this poem for you
Cause I don't know what else to do
But my lack of ability's showing through
And I'm too frustrated with it to start over new
I was entranced with you from the start
For you I broke somebody's heart
It must have made me seem like a tart
But I mean...at least I did my part
I know lately I've been a bitch
Made you feel like crawling into a ditch
Our togetherness has encountered a glitch
Like it's been cursed by a witch
But I don't want you to feel slapped in the face
The truth is, I really just need some space
Don't want you to disappear from my life without a trace
But the time we spend together doesn't need to be a race
Seeing someone all day, every day, every week
You get tired of them and act like a freak
It'd be great if you'd forgive this and turn the other cheek
And let this pattern we have develop a leak
By a leak I mean some leniency
Every now and then, take a break from me
Because I need some spontaneity
And wish you would be exciting to see
All day every day leaves no room for fun
And there's no incentive, nothing to be won
From seeing you...it;'s mundane, it makes me run
But baby, work with me here, instead of just being done
I want you to just...live your own life
I'm just your girlfriend, not your wife
Don't want this to make you pick up a knife
And I hope it doesn't turn to strife
Because though this sounds horrid, I love you still
But if we go the way we are our chances will be like, nil
I want to save it before we both get our fill
I will try to save it....for you, I will.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
it's going to get harder and it's going to burn brighter
and it's going to feel tougher each and every day so let me say that i love you
i glad we managed to save it. i felt less irritated as soon as we talked. idk. i think its just that we cant be attached 24/7 or ill wanna kill you, you know?
♥
i glad we managed to save it. i felt less irritated as soon as we talked. idk. i think its just that we cant be attached 24/7 or ill wanna kill you, you know?
♥
Sunday, December 7, 2008
It seems as though we've forgotten the way we move
Can we save ourselves from the ones we're becoming?
its weird. when i see him in school, the relationship is okay, as long as hes not being weird. its weird, i cant remember him ever being completely insane around me before like a month ago. we used to talk a lot and it was cool, but lately its like we dont really have conversations. i start to wonder why im still in it, but then well hang out outside of school and ill start wondering why i was doubting it in the first place. i think what it is is that on the phone, we dont really have good conversations anymore, and in school there isnt time for it. so out of school, its like it used to be. i dont have any idea. but i also havent really felt like talking when we're on the phone. i can sit there for 10 minutes straight without saying a word.
i need spontaneity is what it is. i need to not know whats going to happen tomorrow. i need it to be fun, and to do things that make me laugh, and things i can look forward to with him. its gotten monotone. i still like him, i think, but i get so bored with relationships after a while.
how can i fix it?
its weird. when i see him in school, the relationship is okay, as long as hes not being weird. its weird, i cant remember him ever being completely insane around me before like a month ago. we used to talk a lot and it was cool, but lately its like we dont really have conversations. i start to wonder why im still in it, but then well hang out outside of school and ill start wondering why i was doubting it in the first place. i think what it is is that on the phone, we dont really have good conversations anymore, and in school there isnt time for it. so out of school, its like it used to be. i dont have any idea. but i also havent really felt like talking when we're on the phone. i can sit there for 10 minutes straight without saying a word.
i need spontaneity is what it is. i need to not know whats going to happen tomorrow. i need it to be fun, and to do things that make me laugh, and things i can look forward to with him. its gotten monotone. i still like him, i think, but i get so bored with relationships after a while.
how can i fix it?
Friday, December 5, 2008
if looks could kill id be the one
that takes my world and makes me numb
I'm nothing, without you i cant breathe
(I can't breathe)
And as the sunlight burns the sky
I see through my obsessive eyes
I'm nothing, without you i cant see
i dont really know what i want to talk about. i havent really blogged in a long time, because i dont have time lately and nothing important to say. my feelings change day to day about the situations im in, but lately ive been pretty much in agreement with myself that a lot of the people i became friends with last year have split from me. ive split from them. we dont have lunch in common anymore, and i still talk to a few but we dont hang out. dakotas a dick. theres some girls they hang out with and ive recently talked to them (that lil short one that hangs with dakota and satans ex..bf...)and realized that wow, they are bitches. so im glad i dont hang out with those people.
i dont hate it when people talk about drugs in general, but i hate it when they do it in a way thats so obviously for show to make them seem cool, even if theyre doing it subconsciously. ditto with partying.
i like joy shes fun to talk to, even though shes the embodiment of what i just described above.
i have no idea what bobby bosin thinks of me, but ive talked to him a tiny little bit this year.
why do i seem to be around more juniors this year than sophomores? it doesnt even fucking matter. this post doesnt matter. you can stop reading it cause its pointless.
i didnt get that dress.
ive been getting along better with my family members lately. except the two year old, cause shes been a brat. isnt that weird?
i want to go to clubbing.
I'm nothing, without you i cant breathe
(I can't breathe)
And as the sunlight burns the sky
I see through my obsessive eyes
I'm nothing, without you i cant see
i dont really know what i want to talk about. i havent really blogged in a long time, because i dont have time lately and nothing important to say. my feelings change day to day about the situations im in, but lately ive been pretty much in agreement with myself that a lot of the people i became friends with last year have split from me. ive split from them. we dont have lunch in common anymore, and i still talk to a few but we dont hang out. dakotas a dick. theres some girls they hang out with and ive recently talked to them (that lil short one that hangs with dakota and satans ex..bf...)and realized that wow, they are bitches. so im glad i dont hang out with those people.
i dont hate it when people talk about drugs in general, but i hate it when they do it in a way thats so obviously for show to make them seem cool, even if theyre doing it subconsciously. ditto with partying.
i like joy shes fun to talk to, even though shes the embodiment of what i just described above.
i have no idea what bobby bosin thinks of me, but ive talked to him a tiny little bit this year.
why do i seem to be around more juniors this year than sophomores? it doesnt even fucking matter. this post doesnt matter. you can stop reading it cause its pointless.
i didnt get that dress.
ive been getting along better with my family members lately. except the two year old, cause shes been a brat. isnt that weird?
i want to go to clubbing.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
HIGH PRIORITY BLOG POST
I WANT THIS SO VERY BADLY...
http://amiclubwear.com/clothing-dress-a3565dfuchsia.html
if you buy it for me i will love you forever and pay you back...i just dont have a way to buy it online.
http://amiclubwear.com/clothing-dress-a3565dfuchsia.html
if you buy it for me i will love you forever and pay you back...i just dont have a way to buy it online.
Monday, November 17, 2008
i wanna feel that lightning
strike me and burn me down
which reminds me. a thunderstorm would be great right now.
im depressed. i cant see the sky through the clouds.
which reminds me. a thunderstorm would be great right now.
im depressed. i cant see the sky through the clouds.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Did you hear me call your name? Did you hear me call ....
Or were your thoughts just too loud, or were your thoughts just loud enough for you to miss it?
I thought you'd be listening
A little more intently for me.
But I'll be here when you're ready.
Until then, just be still and breathe.
But I was screaming.
I was screaming.
Everything they said about you
Everything they've known was wrong.
The outside doesn't feel
What the inside knows is real.
Un. You're way too selfish half the time. You dont like to do things unless you get something out of it. You interrupt people constantly, convinced that what you have to say is that much more important, and you often wont listen if it doesnt directly affect you in some way. You can be way too self-righteous; no one else can every be right about anything unless they have the same opinion as you. No one can ever have a problem with you without it turning into a fight, because you're like me; you cant take criticism. You're not as mature as you like to think you are; not that youre immature. You just arent as superior to people who dont necessarily agree with you about things or live their lives the same way as you think you are.
Deux. You're often a hypocrite. You pass judgment on people and then turn around and do the same thing. In your mind, its okay for you to judge people and sometimes make fun of them, but if anyone else does it theres a chance they'll get reprimanded for being shallow and mean. You criticize people for being stupid and not thinking, but you do too. You have a very large superiority complex, and you like to show it off. You seem to view yourself as above people. You'd think the experiences with your mom and sister would make you wiser, make you take more precaution, but your pride gets in the way of your rationality. Your mom offered you the protection you definitely need, but your pride prevented you from taking it. That was a very poor choice; it could cost you a lot later, because condoms are not fail-proof. They break, they have holes, they come off. I think youd been going farther down a bad path, and from what youve told me lately you seem to be coming back a bit, but im still worried about you.
Trois. You like to rub your intelligence in peoples faces, and it alienates you. It makes people view you as stuck up and one who thinks shes better than them. You're very honest when talking to poeple about their problems and whats wrong with them, which can be good, but sometimes the assertiveness makes people back down. You're very cryptic and secretive, which serves to alienate you further. If you want to be understood ( i am not sure if you do), maybe being more open would make more people understand you.
Quatre. I dont get how you can be so shallow. You're all show.
Cinq. You've become more real lately. you seem to have developed a more realistic view of yourself and i think youve grown up a bit. You do what i do, though; every new obsession you throw yourself into. You dont seem to get hurt when it ends, though, for which I'm grateful. You still can be really bitchy when you're focused on something or in a bad mood, and you often don't do things unless you get something out of it. You still like to push around your friends like they're your property sometimes. Think about that when you're around Alexandra, because you've been making her angry lately.
Six. BE MORE ASSERTIVE.
Sept. I seriously think we share a brain or something. We're like the same person, even more lately than we were before, as far back as that goes. Just had to throw that in there.
Huit. I think lately you've crossed the line to where people just dont pay attention anymore. The melodrama gets annoying.
Neuf. I have genuinely stopped caring about you and trying to understand your motives for getting pissed.
Dix. I think we get along better lately than ever before. Ive started thinking of you as an actual friend. Sometimes I wonder if you feel the same though, because you get in those pissy moods that I dont understand.
Onze. I truly believe that you are the worst excuse for a person I have ever had the misfortune to meet. I dont get how Katie can defend you after the way you treat her, especially lately. I will never, ever forgive you for what youve done to me and the way you treat certain friends of mine.
Douze. You change your mind very quickly. I think you get way too worked up over things and dont have any idea what you want. You throw yourself into things too far. You make bad choices that I wish youd think about for once. But I accept them because I know theres no changing you. Maybe one day youll think and realize what you do is wrong.
thats what was on my mind. im not saying i dont have any of these problems, so dont tell me in being a hypocrite.
I thought you'd be listening
A little more intently for me.
But I'll be here when you're ready.
Until then, just be still and breathe.
But I was screaming.
I was screaming.
Everything they said about you
Everything they've known was wrong.
The outside doesn't feel
What the inside knows is real.
Un. You're way too selfish half the time. You dont like to do things unless you get something out of it. You interrupt people constantly, convinced that what you have to say is that much more important, and you often wont listen if it doesnt directly affect you in some way. You can be way too self-righteous; no one else can every be right about anything unless they have the same opinion as you. No one can ever have a problem with you without it turning into a fight, because you're like me; you cant take criticism. You're not as mature as you like to think you are; not that youre immature. You just arent as superior to people who dont necessarily agree with you about things or live their lives the same way as you think you are.
Deux. You're often a hypocrite. You pass judgment on people and then turn around and do the same thing. In your mind, its okay for you to judge people and sometimes make fun of them, but if anyone else does it theres a chance they'll get reprimanded for being shallow and mean. You criticize people for being stupid and not thinking, but you do too. You have a very large superiority complex, and you like to show it off. You seem to view yourself as above people. You'd think the experiences with your mom and sister would make you wiser, make you take more precaution, but your pride gets in the way of your rationality. Your mom offered you the protection you definitely need, but your pride prevented you from taking it. That was a very poor choice; it could cost you a lot later, because condoms are not fail-proof. They break, they have holes, they come off. I think youd been going farther down a bad path, and from what youve told me lately you seem to be coming back a bit, but im still worried about you.
Trois. You like to rub your intelligence in peoples faces, and it alienates you. It makes people view you as stuck up and one who thinks shes better than them. You're very honest when talking to poeple about their problems and whats wrong with them, which can be good, but sometimes the assertiveness makes people back down. You're very cryptic and secretive, which serves to alienate you further. If you want to be understood ( i am not sure if you do), maybe being more open would make more people understand you.
Quatre. I dont get how you can be so shallow. You're all show.
Cinq. You've become more real lately. you seem to have developed a more realistic view of yourself and i think youve grown up a bit. You do what i do, though; every new obsession you throw yourself into. You dont seem to get hurt when it ends, though, for which I'm grateful. You still can be really bitchy when you're focused on something or in a bad mood, and you often don't do things unless you get something out of it. You still like to push around your friends like they're your property sometimes. Think about that when you're around Alexandra, because you've been making her angry lately.
Six. BE MORE ASSERTIVE.
Sept. I seriously think we share a brain or something. We're like the same person, even more lately than we were before, as far back as that goes. Just had to throw that in there.
Huit. I think lately you've crossed the line to where people just dont pay attention anymore. The melodrama gets annoying.
Neuf. I have genuinely stopped caring about you and trying to understand your motives for getting pissed.
Dix. I think we get along better lately than ever before. Ive started thinking of you as an actual friend. Sometimes I wonder if you feel the same though, because you get in those pissy moods that I dont understand.
Onze. I truly believe that you are the worst excuse for a person I have ever had the misfortune to meet. I dont get how Katie can defend you after the way you treat her, especially lately. I will never, ever forgive you for what youve done to me and the way you treat certain friends of mine.
Douze. You change your mind very quickly. I think you get way too worked up over things and dont have any idea what you want. You throw yourself into things too far. You make bad choices that I wish youd think about for once. But I accept them because I know theres no changing you. Maybe one day youll think and realize what you do is wrong.
thats what was on my mind. im not saying i dont have any of these problems, so dont tell me in being a hypocrite.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
i miss you
forever youll stay gold
yesterday, i talked to mike a LOT because of being at school till 9 or so. when hes not around other people and it isnt the middle of the day anymore, hes more normal; we have conversations and stuff. so yesterday, we were talking about my past relationships and seth and how seth rushes into everything all the time, over and over, and never learns his lesson. we were talking about how seth told me i love you after going out for like, 3 days. we both agreed it was ridiculous, because it's pointless to say i love you unless you really, really, positively, absolutely mean it, and saying it at any other time takes away the meaning of the phrase. it empties it. we're been going out for 2 weeks or so and we dont tell each other i love you (we havent at all), because we both feel the same way about the phrase. i think its so cool because now if we every do get to that point where we say it, it will mean so much more than it would have otherwise.
on another note, im going to kill tom more than ever after what i just heard.
yesterday, i talked to mike a LOT because of being at school till 9 or so. when hes not around other people and it isnt the middle of the day anymore, hes more normal; we have conversations and stuff. so yesterday, we were talking about my past relationships and seth and how seth rushes into everything all the time, over and over, and never learns his lesson. we were talking about how seth told me i love you after going out for like, 3 days. we both agreed it was ridiculous, because it's pointless to say i love you unless you really, really, positively, absolutely mean it, and saying it at any other time takes away the meaning of the phrase. it empties it. we're been going out for 2 weeks or so and we dont tell each other i love you (we havent at all), because we both feel the same way about the phrase. i think its so cool because now if we every do get to that point where we say it, it will mean so much more than it would have otherwise.
on another note, im going to kill tom more than ever after what i just heard.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
We're leaving here tonight, there's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
So by the morning light
We'll be half way to anywhere
Where love is more than just your name
I've been really happy...since we're both kind of insane, I can act like myself around you and not feel as if you are judging me. That's a really good feeling. I don't feel suffocated or like I'm acting.
And you rock for wearing that pink sweatshirt. In a major way.
Walter McCarthy and Justin Whatever are getting a bit annoying about it in first hour...they make comments about it even when we aren't touching. But then again, Justin is dating a freshman, so if he keeps it up I'll just bring up the fact that he's a creepy child rapist.
I read Andrea's blog post about all those different people she has problems with. I'm thinking I'm number five, but I'm not sure. It's not that I realKATIE JUST NOM-ED MY NECKly care all too much, and I sound childish for analyzing it, I know, but it's curiosity, you know? I wonder which one applies to which people so I can see if I relate. If I agree.
Seth is still being ridiculous. I'm not even going INto the argument the other day, but I'm sure if you talk to me often you know the whole story. He's still, apparantly not getting over it. He's angry with both me and Mike, and I feel really bad about getting between Mike and Seth because they're friends and now they aren't really talking. I also feel bad about going out with Seth's best friend and making things awkward, but it just happened. I went out with the wrong one. I truly believe if I had gotten to know Seth better before I dated him, I never would have gone out with him. He'd have made an okay friend, but I just don't like him as more at all. And right now I don't like him at ALL. He gets so pissed off about EVERYTHING!!!! Stupid, inconsequential things that no normal person would even be slightly bothered by. So for that I could care less about him. People keep coming up to me that I have never even talked to before when I am with Mike, and are all "Weren't you going out with his friend before him?" and I feel like I should be ashamed of myself. But not enough to do anything about it, because I know I have nothing to be ashamed OF. I made my decision, and I'm sorry I made a mistake. I righted it by breaking up with him before he got toooo attached. I just couldn't tolerate him any more.
The anger reminded me of Tom.
Andrea told me she saw him and Shawna (Shaneighneigh) walking down the hall holding hands, and if they hadn't been touching you wouldn't have even know they knew each other. She said they were walking as far away from each other as possible, and looking straight ahead with emotionless expressions. I'm kind of sorry he's unhappy, but not really.
The corn maze last night was amazingly fun. I love Matt's parents. (I knew I liked his dad already but I had never met his mom.) And I truly believe I got closer to Mike last night. I spent eight full hours by his side. He wore my hot pink sweatshirt in public because I wanted him to. He kept me warm outside. For six hours. It was awesome. If my mom was cool I would have just spent the night with him X] Not in a sexual way. I just didn't want to leave.
I got really emotional last night in the car when I was tired on the way home and was laying across Mike's legs in the car listening to Evanescence and Amy Lee/Seether and random other music.
Mike and Matt together are really humorous. Other people are probably afraid of them but since I know both of them already and I as well am completely insane, it was just really funny.
I saw more stars last night when I was laying with Mike on the trampoline than I have ever seen in my life. It's times like those when I would not mind living in a rural area. I saw shooting stars and everything. It was so pretty. And enlightening. And gave me that frustrated feeling I get when I feel the need to express my feelings and cannot find a medium for it. I wanted to represent the stars in my own way and I couldn't. So I settled for holding Mike's hand and staring at them until we had to go. We must have been there for half an hour, just looking up at the sky.
I feel peaceful.
So by the morning light
We'll be half way to anywhere
Where love is more than just your name
I've been really happy...since we're both kind of insane, I can act like myself around you and not feel as if you are judging me. That's a really good feeling. I don't feel suffocated or like I'm acting.
And you rock for wearing that pink sweatshirt. In a major way.
Walter McCarthy and Justin Whatever are getting a bit annoying about it in first hour...they make comments about it even when we aren't touching. But then again, Justin is dating a freshman, so if he keeps it up I'll just bring up the fact that he's a creepy child rapist.
I read Andrea's blog post about all those different people she has problems with. I'm thinking I'm number five, but I'm not sure. It's not that I realKATIE JUST NOM-ED MY NECKly care all too much, and I sound childish for analyzing it, I know, but it's curiosity, you know? I wonder which one applies to which people so I can see if I relate. If I agree.
Seth is still being ridiculous. I'm not even going INto the argument the other day, but I'm sure if you talk to me often you know the whole story. He's still, apparantly not getting over it. He's angry with both me and Mike, and I feel really bad about getting between Mike and Seth because they're friends and now they aren't really talking. I also feel bad about going out with Seth's best friend and making things awkward, but it just happened. I went out with the wrong one. I truly believe if I had gotten to know Seth better before I dated him, I never would have gone out with him. He'd have made an okay friend, but I just don't like him as more at all. And right now I don't like him at ALL. He gets so pissed off about EVERYTHING!!!! Stupid, inconsequential things that no normal person would even be slightly bothered by. So for that I could care less about him. People keep coming up to me that I have never even talked to before when I am with Mike, and are all "Weren't you going out with his friend before him?" and I feel like I should be ashamed of myself. But not enough to do anything about it, because I know I have nothing to be ashamed OF. I made my decision, and I'm sorry I made a mistake. I righted it by breaking up with him before he got toooo attached. I just couldn't tolerate him any more.
The anger reminded me of Tom.
Andrea told me she saw him and Shawna (Shaneighneigh) walking down the hall holding hands, and if they hadn't been touching you wouldn't have even know they knew each other. She said they were walking as far away from each other as possible, and looking straight ahead with emotionless expressions. I'm kind of sorry he's unhappy, but not really.
The corn maze last night was amazingly fun. I love Matt's parents. (I knew I liked his dad already but I had never met his mom.) And I truly believe I got closer to Mike last night. I spent eight full hours by his side. He wore my hot pink sweatshirt in public because I wanted him to. He kept me warm outside. For six hours. It was awesome. If my mom was cool I would have just spent the night with him X] Not in a sexual way. I just didn't want to leave.
I got really emotional last night in the car when I was tired on the way home and was laying across Mike's legs in the car listening to Evanescence and Amy Lee/Seether and random other music.
Mike and Matt together are really humorous. Other people are probably afraid of them but since I know both of them already and I as well am completely insane, it was just really funny.
I saw more stars last night when I was laying with Mike on the trampoline than I have ever seen in my life. It's times like those when I would not mind living in a rural area. I saw shooting stars and everything. It was so pretty. And enlightening. And gave me that frustrated feeling I get when I feel the need to express my feelings and cannot find a medium for it. I wanted to represent the stars in my own way and I couldn't. So I settled for holding Mike's hand and staring at them until we had to go. We must have been there for half an hour, just looking up at the sky.
I feel peaceful.
Friday, October 17, 2008
since i actually took the time to become friends with this one first and made sure he didnt bug me
maybe this time it'll work out.
i really really hope so.
i really really hope so.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
this is just a declaration
we wont back down
kate told me he has a right to not talk to me because i broke his heart. she told me he loved me a lot and i just dumped him.
she said you dont just fall out of love with someone, and i told her i guess i did because i liked him but then i didnt anymore. she said, well then you didnt actually love him! and i went yeah, i probably didnt, because i knew him for like a month, if that! and she said, well then why did you tell him you loved him!? and i said it was because he told me he loved me, and what am i supposed to say? and anyways, when he started saying that, i DID like him a lot. was i expected to be like, actually, no, i dont like you that much? its just awkward. i dont know. i didnt mean to hurt him, but seriously. grow a pair. we went out for like two weeks. and its not like he hasnt been hitting on other girls.
and about the you dont just fall out of love thing---
i disagree one hundred percent. people get divorced after like, 20 years all the time because they just realize they dont like the other one that much anymore. it happens. it happened. im sorry. it does. its not like kates little miss expert, anyways. shes no older than i am.
kate told me he has a right to not talk to me because i broke his heart. she told me he loved me a lot and i just dumped him.
she said you dont just fall out of love with someone, and i told her i guess i did because i liked him but then i didnt anymore. she said, well then you didnt actually love him! and i went yeah, i probably didnt, because i knew him for like a month, if that! and she said, well then why did you tell him you loved him!? and i said it was because he told me he loved me, and what am i supposed to say? and anyways, when he started saying that, i DID like him a lot. was i expected to be like, actually, no, i dont like you that much? its just awkward. i dont know. i didnt mean to hurt him, but seriously. grow a pair. we went out for like two weeks. and its not like he hasnt been hitting on other girls.
and about the you dont just fall out of love thing---
i disagree one hundred percent. people get divorced after like, 20 years all the time because they just realize they dont like the other one that much anymore. it happens. it happened. im sorry. it does. its not like kates little miss expert, anyways. shes no older than i am.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
just dont forget this
we wont regret this
i had 69 posts before this one. X]
"you say im a close friend after knowing me for 21 days?"
you say you love me after knowing me for three?
i didnt want to do it but i had to and it was fair and it was right and i did it and im sorry but it needed to be done and i hope you can forgive me.
i had 69 posts before this one. X]
"you say im a close friend after knowing me for 21 days?"
you say you love me after knowing me for three?
i didnt want to do it but i had to and it was fair and it was right and i did it and im sorry but it needed to be done and i hope you can forgive me.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
and i completely did not realize that the title of that post corresponded so perfectly to the second half of what i just wrote. isnt that creepy? i picked the title at random and decided what i was going to talk about after, and now i just looked at it and realized that it ties in really really well.
We're alive and we drive to the center of it where we know we're all fine and this just can't be it
And in the end we all know we only breathe for so long
So I realized last night that I missed you. Before, I wasn't so sure that I did, that maybe I needed some time or something, but by the end of the night I kept wanting you there. Which is good. Very good. At first, I was kind of enjoying some freedom, because I normally don't do too good in relationships (they make me feel a little suffocated and restricted, I'm a very independent person), but by like, 9:30, I kept wondering why you weren't there, because I wanted to dance with you. so yeah, i think that as long as we keep having breaks like this we'll be fine. i just can't be right next to you every single second of every day cause i feel both a lil restricted and guilty for taking so much of your time when you could be off doing something for yourself. i think thats why im so insistent on you being selfish sometimes -- i certainly am, and i guess it gets into my head that you'd want the same thing and be the same way, even if you actually arent. but just know that you can do something with your friends or with yourself instead of me sometimes. i wont get hurt, because i certainly do it. just dont blow off highly important plans to do it. but like, if you ever want to just go home after school, go for it. if we're supposed to go out or something and you decide you dont really want to, just let me know. i have friends, i can find something else to do. i wont be upset. but dont take all this to mean i dont want to see you and be with you and hang out with you, because i do.
the other day me and my mom went to target and costco and bought stuff, and then stopped at my grandparents house to drop off some coffee. while we were there, i went up to my great grandmas room to talk to her cause i havent seen her in a while. ive always liked her, i kind of think we have a bond because im her oldest great grandchild. so anyways i talked to her for a while until we left, then in the car on the way home i told my mom i went and talked to her. she told me i should go talk to her more often because she's been getting worse and is probably going to die soon. when she said that i wasn't really surprised, but i was kind of angry that she said it, because i dont even want to think about that. and its a really depressing thought. when she does, im going to be so sad because that connection will be gone, and theres something just so cool about her being my connection to my heritage. i dont want that to be lost. i dont want things to change. i guess shes just always been there and i dont want her going anywhere.
So I realized last night that I missed you. Before, I wasn't so sure that I did, that maybe I needed some time or something, but by the end of the night I kept wanting you there. Which is good. Very good. At first, I was kind of enjoying some freedom, because I normally don't do too good in relationships (they make me feel a little suffocated and restricted, I'm a very independent person), but by like, 9:30, I kept wondering why you weren't there, because I wanted to dance with you. so yeah, i think that as long as we keep having breaks like this we'll be fine. i just can't be right next to you every single second of every day cause i feel both a lil restricted and guilty for taking so much of your time when you could be off doing something for yourself. i think thats why im so insistent on you being selfish sometimes -- i certainly am, and i guess it gets into my head that you'd want the same thing and be the same way, even if you actually arent. but just know that you can do something with your friends or with yourself instead of me sometimes. i wont get hurt, because i certainly do it. just dont blow off highly important plans to do it. but like, if you ever want to just go home after school, go for it. if we're supposed to go out or something and you decide you dont really want to, just let me know. i have friends, i can find something else to do. i wont be upset. but dont take all this to mean i dont want to see you and be with you and hang out with you, because i do.
the other day me and my mom went to target and costco and bought stuff, and then stopped at my grandparents house to drop off some coffee. while we were there, i went up to my great grandmas room to talk to her cause i havent seen her in a while. ive always liked her, i kind of think we have a bond because im her oldest great grandchild. so anyways i talked to her for a while until we left, then in the car on the way home i told my mom i went and talked to her. she told me i should go talk to her more often because she's been getting worse and is probably going to die soon. when she said that i wasn't really surprised, but i was kind of angry that she said it, because i dont even want to think about that. and its a really depressing thought. when she does, im going to be so sad because that connection will be gone, and theres something just so cool about her being my connection to my heritage. i dont want that to be lost. i dont want things to change. i guess shes just always been there and i dont want her going anywhere.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
and ill do anything you ever dreamed to be complete
what you feel is what you are and what you are is beautiful
finally.
not a smoker.
not a stoner.
not an almost drop out.
hasnt been involved in any murders.
isnt a prick.
really nice. awesome. actually likes me and doesnt just want in my pants the way the others seemed to.
isnt that awesome?
finally.
not a smoker.
not a stoner.
not an almost drop out.
hasnt been involved in any murders.
isnt a prick.
really nice. awesome. actually likes me and doesnt just want in my pants the way the others seemed to.
isnt that awesome?
Saturday, September 20, 2008
she said, she said, she said
why dont you just drop dead?
i guess the fact that i am completely unaffected makes it a completely emotionless waste of my time. but thats okay. i wasnt doing anything else with that time.
i been hanging out with mike olmstead a lot through school. i see him everywhere. including last night at the football game. we seem to have mutual friends.
i guess the fact that i am completely unaffected makes it a completely emotionless waste of my time. but thats okay. i wasnt doing anything else with that time.
i been hanging out with mike olmstead a lot through school. i see him everywhere. including last night at the football game. we seem to have mutual friends.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
kick off your stilettos
and fuck me in the backseat.
or my bathroom, whichever.
is it bad when you wake up and realize the guy was fully not the one you should be dreaming of?
edit;;;
meaning the guy i SHOULD have been dreaming of was my boyfriend. the one i WAS dreaming of....thats completely not my boyfriend.
or my bathroom, whichever.
is it bad when you wake up and realize the guy was fully not the one you should be dreaming of?
edit;;;
meaning the guy i SHOULD have been dreaming of was my boyfriend. the one i WAS dreaming of....thats completely not my boyfriend.
Monday, September 15, 2008
oh not another mind made up from doing nothing
more than all you say weve got no more room to breathe
latelys been pretty interesting. i havent had anything substantial to say for the most part so i havent blogged. this relationship is the weirdest one ive ever been in but i like it. its like almost an open relationship, which is weird. i see him two or three times a day for like 3 minutes tops, and then talk to him on the phone for like 1/2 an hour a day. i hang out every week or so but its pretty casual. and weve openly said we both hit on people a lot, but its ok with each other as long as we dont cheat. i dont know. i like it this way. i dont feel suffocated. at the same time, though, im wondering if it means i dont actually care about him. when i walk down the hall i dont scan it for him. i dont go out of my way to run into him. i dont even know his schedule, i just know when he has some classes and that he has C lunch. is that weird? is that bad? does it not matter?
on another note, andrea, katie and i have made a myspace/communal blog/online magazine type thing. we titled it the modern rhode island, as in like, rhode island was originally a place for those who didnt fit in with the puritans. its a place for people who are sick of the usual "omg im so sick of my life i feel sorry for myself HANNAH MONTANA OH MY GAHHHH" type stuff people our age tend to talk about. you can submit those philosophical type peices you occassionally write to put on your blog. or stuff you write that actually matters about something real. we also have weekly music suggestions, book suggestions, a news article with our opinions, a question of the week that you can answer and if we like it well put it up, etc. you should check it out. http://www.myspace.com/themodernrhodeisland
you can also email us at themodernrhodeisland@yahoo.com
if you have any old magazines you dont want you should give them to me, it would be greatly appreciated. anything with any kind of face in it. i need eyes. merci bien en avance. that was probably grammatically incorrect.
breaking dawn was still a disappointment. i just saw something online about how the biggest fans actually returned their copies in anger. i laughed. and i did not blame them one bit.
i joined stage crew for the lolz. first time in a long time ive actually done anything on my own without others' opinions and actions affecting it. its just a bonus that joey happens to be on it and chelsea. and andrea happened to join at about the same time i did which was hilarious. im proud of myself. ive gotten comments like "why would you join that out of anything you could choose?" but im interested in it and i think its something i could enjoy and i like the feeling im getting of doing something for myself without letting anyone else affect me. im proud of my independence.
also, i think i may be developing a little crush. on someone with a long term girlfriend. plus, i kind of have a boyfriend. but i mean, these things happen when youre not attached to each others sides, you know? and i severely doubt itll turn into anything, so who gives a fuck?
call me, i miss you. actually, get my phone number first.
latelys been pretty interesting. i havent had anything substantial to say for the most part so i havent blogged. this relationship is the weirdest one ive ever been in but i like it. its like almost an open relationship, which is weird. i see him two or three times a day for like 3 minutes tops, and then talk to him on the phone for like 1/2 an hour a day. i hang out every week or so but its pretty casual. and weve openly said we both hit on people a lot, but its ok with each other as long as we dont cheat. i dont know. i like it this way. i dont feel suffocated. at the same time, though, im wondering if it means i dont actually care about him. when i walk down the hall i dont scan it for him. i dont go out of my way to run into him. i dont even know his schedule, i just know when he has some classes and that he has C lunch. is that weird? is that bad? does it not matter?
on another note, andrea, katie and i have made a myspace/communal blog/online magazine type thing. we titled it the modern rhode island, as in like, rhode island was originally a place for those who didnt fit in with the puritans. its a place for people who are sick of the usual "omg im so sick of my life i feel sorry for myself HANNAH MONTANA OH MY GAHHHH" type stuff people our age tend to talk about. you can submit those philosophical type peices you occassionally write to put on your blog. or stuff you write that actually matters about something real. we also have weekly music suggestions, book suggestions, a news article with our opinions, a question of the week that you can answer and if we like it well put it up, etc. you should check it out. http://www.myspace.com/themodernrhodeisland
you can also email us at themodernrhodeisland@yahoo.com
if you have any old magazines you dont want you should give them to me, it would be greatly appreciated. anything with any kind of face in it. i need eyes. merci bien en avance. that was probably grammatically incorrect.
breaking dawn was still a disappointment. i just saw something online about how the biggest fans actually returned their copies in anger. i laughed. and i did not blame them one bit.
i joined stage crew for the lolz. first time in a long time ive actually done anything on my own without others' opinions and actions affecting it. its just a bonus that joey happens to be on it and chelsea. and andrea happened to join at about the same time i did which was hilarious. im proud of myself. ive gotten comments like "why would you join that out of anything you could choose?" but im interested in it and i think its something i could enjoy and i like the feeling im getting of doing something for myself without letting anyone else affect me. im proud of my independence.
also, i think i may be developing a little crush. on someone with a long term girlfriend. plus, i kind of have a boyfriend. but i mean, these things happen when youre not attached to each others sides, you know? and i severely doubt itll turn into anything, so who gives a fuck?
call me, i miss you. actually, get my phone number first.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
i don't want to come back down from this cloud
it's taken me all this all this time
yesterday was a really really really good day. the best in a long time. i didnt mind school, i had C lunch and so got to see a lot of people i dont normally see often, stayed after school with katie which was fun, went to the football game. at the football game i was in a really really really good mood. to the point where i didnt care what people were thinking of me and i was acting all crazy and i kept giving people hugs. i gave MATT GARLAND a hug. and strombergs in 5 of my classes but idc because oddly enough hes being really nice this year and therefore not obnoxious. and katie poured skittles down my shirt which was a great experience. i dont know. it was just really an awesome day. and i think i deserved one of those. AND i get to see alex today cause shes gonna help me watch the babies tonight =] [...if she ever answers her phone...]
i saw tom walking with princess john yesterday morning before school. i thought that was fitting.
yesterday was a really really really good day. the best in a long time. i didnt mind school, i had C lunch and so got to see a lot of people i dont normally see often, stayed after school with katie which was fun, went to the football game. at the football game i was in a really really really good mood. to the point where i didnt care what people were thinking of me and i was acting all crazy and i kept giving people hugs. i gave MATT GARLAND a hug. and strombergs in 5 of my classes but idc because oddly enough hes being really nice this year and therefore not obnoxious. and katie poured skittles down my shirt which was a great experience. i dont know. it was just really an awesome day. and i think i deserved one of those. AND i get to see alex today cause shes gonna help me watch the babies tonight =] [...if she ever answers her phone...]
i saw tom walking with princess john yesterday morning before school. i thought that was fitting.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
teh last day
today was actually kind of cool, so far, it was laid back but i liked it.
you know what sucks? that katie's question is serious. everyone has this feeling that something BADBADBAD is going to happen to someone, and no one has any idea who or when or why or how. or what, exactly. personally, i think it might have something to do with dillon and his friends wanting to go back to ryans. i dont want that happening, i have a really bad feeling about it.
im really curious to know whats going to happen, but at the same time i dont want it to ever come because that will mean consequences.
you know what sucks? that katie's question is serious. everyone has this feeling that something BADBADBAD is going to happen to someone, and no one has any idea who or when or why or how. or what, exactly. personally, i think it might have something to do with dillon and his friends wanting to go back to ryans. i dont want that happening, i have a really bad feeling about it.
im really curious to know whats going to happen, but at the same time i dont want it to ever come because that will mean consequences.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
pour katie.
5 things i want to accomplish this school year:
1. stay drug free
2. become better friends with people that i vaguely know, now that ive realized i am capable of making friends that i have in common with no one else
3. continue trying to not eat so much junk food and continue trying to drink water
4. do good in my classes and try to get my mom to get off my back about stuff
5. become more well known
1. stay drug free
2. become better friends with people that i vaguely know, now that ive realized i am capable of making friends that i have in common with no one else
3. continue trying to not eat so much junk food and continue trying to drink water
4. do good in my classes and try to get my mom to get off my back about stuff
5. become more well known
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
hate is a strong word, but i really really really dont like you
now that its over, i dont even know what i liked about you
| wexlackxamity (10:27:57 PM): | if you continue telling people things they shouldnt be told about me, ESPECIALLY when half of it is exaggerated, i swear to god i will hire people to kick your ass. and believe me, ill have no problem finding someone because half the people i know would love to be the one to do it. just saying. |
| long2hot4u xD (10:28:27 PM): | and hlaf the ppl u kno couldnt do it |
| wexlackxamity (10:28:27 PM): | around call the cell |
| wexlackxamity (10:28:38 PM): | want to bet? |
| long2hot4u xD (10:28:45 PM): | yea |
| wexlackxamity (10:28:47 PM): | fine |
| long2hot4u xD (10:29:10 PM): | we had a lovely conversation...sry u missed it |
| wexlackxamity (10:29:20 PM): | doesnt matter that i wasnt there, he told me everything anyways |
| long2hot4u xD (10:29:34 PM): | good, me and dakota told him to |
| wexlackxamity (10:29:42 PM): | whatever |
| wexlackxamity (10:29:47 PM): | point is |
| wexlackxamity (10:30:09 PM): | i swear to god ill get someone to kick your ass if you dont stop. id do it myself but theyll do a better job |
| long2hot4u xD (10:31:07 PM): | hah, i dont even tlk to dillon, he just smoked weed with us...but if u want i can stab ur fukin freinds for free |
| long2hot4u xD (10:31:12 PM): | i fiote dirty |
| long2hot4u xD (10:31:52 PM): | and oh btw...u forgot i have friends to |
| long2hot4u xD (10:32:04 PM): | im not sendin ppl to kik ur ass3 |
| wexlackxamity (10:32:17 PM): | yeah, and you have no reason to because i dont fucking talk about you |
| long2hot4u xD (10:32:19 PM): | ill send ppl to kik the asses of ur ppl |
| wexlackxamity (10:32:27 PM): | you dont know who they are, idiot |
| long2hot4u xD (10:32:43 PM): | cuz i wont find out thru the grape vine that is our school? |
| long2hot4u xD (10:32:44 PM): | cmon |
| long2hot4u xD (10:32:48 PM): | be serious |
| wexlackxamity (10:32:50 PM): | theyre older |
| long2hot4u xD (10:33:11 PM): | big fukin deal so r half my fukin friends |
| wexlackxamity (10:33:11 PM): | you dont have as many friends as you think you do |
| long2hot4u xD (10:33:19 PM): | i have more then u kno |
| wexlackxamity (10:33:33 PM): | point is, why the hell do you feel the need to talk about me? |
| long2hot4u xD (10:33:42 PM): | dakota brought it up |
| wexlackxamity (10:33:45 PM): | cause, um, i dont talk about you even though i have reason to |
| wexlackxamity (10:33:48 PM): | youve done it before |
| long2hot4u xD (10:33:49 PM): | then dillon asked me |
| wexlackxamity (10:34:08 PM): | and you told him stuff that wasnt true |
| long2hot4u xD (10:34:16 PM): | dakota told dillon somethin idk if i should say, and dillon asked me nout it |
| wexlackxamity (10:34:20 PM): | you exaggerated so fucking much and made me sound like a whore |
| long2hot4u xD (10:34:32 PM): | i only told him lil stuff |
| wexlackxamity (10:34:37 PM): | no, you didnt |
| long2hot4u xD (10:34:42 PM): | yea...i did |
| wexlackxamity (10:34:48 PM): | he told me what you told him |
| wexlackxamity (10:34:55 PM): | did you happen to tell him about how you almost raped me? |
| long2hot4u xD (10:34:57 PM): | and that was |
| long2hot4u xD (10:35:10 PM): | xD |
| long2hot4u xD (10:35:14 PM): | i remember that |
| long2hot4u xD (10:35:20 PM): | i stopped tho |
| wexlackxamity (10:35:21 PM): | yeah. i should kill you for that |
| wexlackxamity (10:35:24 PM): | doesnt matter |
| long2hot4u xD (10:35:24 PM): | i get credit there |
| wexlackxamity (10:35:28 PM): | no, you dont |
| long2hot4u xD (10:35:32 PM): | yea i do |
| wexlackxamity (10:35:34 PM): | because you tried to do it in the first place |
| wexlackxamity (10:35:52 PM): | i got DEPRESSED because of that |
| long2hot4u xD (10:35:58 PM): | and when u said no...i...yes..i stopped |
| wexlackxamity (10:36:00 PM): | like, clinically depressed |
| long2hot4u xD (10:36:10 PM): | thats sounds personal |
| wexlackxamity (10:36:21 PM): | so is the stuff you tell people, so does it really matter |
| long2hot4u xD (10:36:39 PM): | it does when im threatened |
| wexlackxamity (10:36:49 PM): | get over it |
| long2hot4u xD (10:36:54 PM): | u 1st |
| wexlackxamity (10:37:12 PM): | kind of hard to when you keep bringing it up and telling people stuff |
| long2hot4u xD (10:37:26 PM): | dude i alreddy fukin told u dakota brang it up |
| wexlackxamity (10:37:35 PM): | YOU WENT WITH IT |
| long2hot4u xD (10:37:40 PM): | I WAS HIGH |
| wexlackxamity (10:37:44 PM): | SO WHAT? |
| wexlackxamity (10:37:54 PM): | im not stupid, when youre high you can function |
| long2hot4u xD (10:37:57 PM): | so thats an excuse in itself |
| wexlackxamity (10:38:01 PM): | its a bad one |
| long2hot4u xD (10:38:17 PM): | uve nvr fukin been high, u have no idea |
| wexlackxamity (10:38:40 PM): | half my freinds do it when i hang out with them |
| long2hot4u xD (10:38:47 PM): | u can barelymove let alone function |
| wexlackxamity (10:38:49 PM): | i dont hate drugs, i hated drugs mixed with YOU |
| wexlackxamity (10:38:56 PM): | you can function. they do it often. |
| long2hot4u xD (10:39:07 PM): | yea, that seems to be an ongoiong prblm |
| wexlackxamity (10:39:22 PM): | whats an ongoing problem? |
| long2hot4u xD (10:39:31 PM): | drugs and me |
| wexlackxamity (10:39:37 PM): | ha. |
| long2hot4u xD (10:40:43 PM): | anyway, i dont feel like tlkin to u or dillon anymore...i nvr relly tlk to him and ur just angry |
| wexlackxamity (10:42:04 PM): | yeah, well its a good thing u dont feel like talking to him because he wishes youd get shot |
| wexlackxamity (10:42:17 PM): | and ive gotta say, its something we have in common because youre a complete dick |
| long2hot4u xD (10:42:24 PM): | i try |
| wexlackxamity (10:42:31 PM): | you succeed. |
| long2hot4u xD (10:42:40 PM): | i dont have to try, its natural |
| wexlackxamity (10:42:43 PM): | its about the only thing youre good at |
| long2hot4u xD (10:43:05 PM): | everyones got something |
| long2hot4u xD (10:43:43 PM): | mines just funner |
| wexlackxamity (10:43:57 PM): | whatever. |
| wexlackxamity (10:43:59 PM): | im serious, though. |
| long2hot4u xD (10:44:18 PM): | i am to, im not gonna say shit anymore,not worth it |
| wexlackxamity (10:44:28 PM): | and i dont feel like talking to you any more than i did when i first imed you, so you can stop responding now. |
Sunday, August 24, 2008
stop asking;
keep dancing
fast bike riding chapstick ipods broken speaker systems lips bed music out of xboxes sleep lips sleep music apple jacks and frosted flakes dogs motorcycle explanations computer baby toys sleep lips chapstick bikes by katie i mean dillon no babysitting.
today kicked ass.
fast bike riding chapstick ipods broken speaker systems lips bed music out of xboxes sleep lips sleep music apple jacks and frosted flakes dogs motorcycle explanations computer baby toys sleep lips chapstick bikes by katie i mean dillon no babysitting.
today kicked ass.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
im more than a bird
im more than a plane
songs that can make me cry edit;
the freshman (the verve pipe) and superman (five for fighting)
why do i keep saying things i dont mean? that last post we all know was me just saying stuff. half of it i didnt mean. what the fuck.
how about we just dont believe anything that comes out of my mouth.
songs that can make me cry edit;
the freshman (the verve pipe) and superman (five for fighting)
why do i keep saying things i dont mean? that last post we all know was me just saying stuff. half of it i didnt mean. what the fuck.
how about we just dont believe anything that comes out of my mouth.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
i want someone provocative and talkative
but its so hard when you're shallow as a shower
seriously. jesus. if i had any other options you really wouldnt last. probably wont anyways. i mean, yeah, cool to hang out with, but whatever. could you be anymore judgemental about shit? i think ive just remembered that i dont really like being in a relationship. lmao. how could i forget something like that?
cant wait for school oddly enough, i miss all my guy friends...if they still exist. okay, i miss HAVING guy friends. there we go.
my mayday parade bag should be here any day now. wheeeeeeee. that is, if it comes. i hope it does. rargh.
katie i am glad we had that really really long conversation the other day because i feel like walls that had been built between us have like, come down, which is awesome. I WANT THOSE AWESOME GHOST PICTURES, MISSY.
panic at the disco sounds like fall out boy. at least in slow songs. the first time i heard northern downpour i thought it was fall out boy till i heard the chorus.
in case youre wondering, im posting because no one else did. i need something to read. hehehe.
i wanna hang out with tam today. i think im going to. if her moms not in a bad mood. who knows. i care.
i just realized i have a million bajillion pictures of me but i dont like like 95% of them. im a very not photogenic person.
i wish i could put movies on my ipod. i dont have a converter.
i miss my alexandra.
seriously, isnt it funny how im just using you?
seriously. jesus. if i had any other options you really wouldnt last. probably wont anyways. i mean, yeah, cool to hang out with, but whatever. could you be anymore judgemental about shit? i think ive just remembered that i dont really like being in a relationship. lmao. how could i forget something like that?
cant wait for school oddly enough, i miss all my guy friends...if they still exist. okay, i miss HAVING guy friends. there we go.
my mayday parade bag should be here any day now. wheeeeeeee. that is, if it comes. i hope it does. rargh.
katie i am glad we had that really really long conversation the other day because i feel like walls that had been built between us have like, come down, which is awesome. I WANT THOSE AWESOME GHOST PICTURES, MISSY.
panic at the disco sounds like fall out boy. at least in slow songs. the first time i heard northern downpour i thought it was fall out boy till i heard the chorus.
in case youre wondering, im posting because no one else did. i need something to read. hehehe.
i wanna hang out with tam today. i think im going to. if her moms not in a bad mood. who knows. i care.
i just realized i have a million bajillion pictures of me but i dont like like 95% of them. im a very not photogenic person.
i wish i could put movies on my ipod. i dont have a converter.
i miss my alexandra.
seriously, isnt it funny how im just using you?
Monday, August 18, 2008
i think you need to read this, andrea.
"chelsea cole " (11:01:26 PM) : don't assume.
wexlackxamity (11:01:33 PM) : hmm
wexlackxamity (11:01:34 PM) : then idk
wexlackxamity (11:01:36 PM) : but
wexlackxamity (11:01:46 PM) : has she always disliked me and jsut refused to tell me ?
"chelsea cole " (11:03:14 PM) : you need to stop assuming things, liz.
wexlackxamity (11:03:41 PM) : can you explain that?
wexlackxamity (11:03:42 PM) : like
wexlackxamity (11:03:53 PM) : im 100% sure that was directed at me
"chelsea cole " (11:03:57 PM) : you assume that they hate you.
wexlackxamity (11:04:08 PM) : not they
wexlackxamity (11:04:11 PM) : andrea
wexlackxamity (11:04:12 PM) : not
wexlackxamity (11:04:14 PM) : not hate me
wexlackxamity (11:04:15 PM) : just
wexlackxamity (11:04:28 PM) : how can you say you hope i get raped???
"chelsea cole " (11:04:47 PM) : andrea is mad because you were rude to her on the phone last night/this morning.
wexlackxamity (11:05:00 PM) : what?
wexlackxamity (11:05:03 PM) : oh god
wexlackxamity (11:05:04 PM) : how?
"chelsea cole " (11:05:09 PM) : she told you to come home.
"chelsea cole " (11:05:09 PM) : twice.
"chelsea cole " (11:05:19 PM) : you're at andrea's, you follow her rules.
wexlackxamity (11:05:55 PM) : i didnt know she actually cared, i thought she was asking me if i was going to or not! and i kept telling him i thought we should go and he took a while because we got stopped
wexlackxamity (11:06:11 PM) : the second time she called i was on the way out of the house
wexlackxamity (11:06:32 PM) : why cant she tell me this?
wexlackxamity (11:06:33 PM) : i mean
wexlackxamity (11:06:35 PM) : im not psychic
wexlackxamity (11:06:49 PM) : she can tell me why shes mad, instead of trashing me on a public blog
"chelsea cole " (11:07:07 PM) : she was being mean to you on the phone.
"chelsea cole " (11:07:09 PM) : you just didn't notice.
wexlackxamity (11:07:15 PM) : what did she say
wexlackxamity (11:07:16 PM) : ?
"chelsea cole " (11:07:19 PM) : hold on.
wexlackxamity (11:07:23 PM) : okay
"chelsea cole " (11:09:55 PM) : well.
"chelsea cole " (11:10:04 PM) : she was like "it does not take you 20 minutes to walk from here to here."
wexlackxamity (11:10:09 PM) : the only reason i didnt come home right away is because she didnt say she wanted me to, it was a miscommunication i guess. i took it the wrong way, obviously, and i didnt mean to piss her off or anything. and from what i remember from the phone conversation, i didnt notice because she talks to me like that all the time. so i suppose if thats what andrea being mean to me is, then shes mean to me quite often.
wexlackxamity (11:10:18 PM) : what i got from it was
wexlackxamity (11:10:36 PM) : are you coming home soon or are you staying out? not, you need to get home
"chelsea cole " (11:11:25 PM) : not what she said.
wexlackxamity (11:11:32 PM) : what DID she say then?
"chelsea cole " (11:11:39 PM) : "where are you?"
"chelsea cole " (11:11:45 PM) : "it's almost curfew."
"chelsea cole " (11:11:50 PM) : "you need to get home soon."
"chelsea cole " (11:11:57 PM) : "twenty minutes? okay."
"chelsea cole " (11:12:00 PM) : second call.
wexlackxamity (11:12:01 PM) : i did tell him i wanted to be back before curfew
"chelsea cole " (11:12:08 PM) : "it's been twenty minutes."
"chelsea cole " (11:12:17 PM) : "i don't care, get back now."
"chelsea cole " (11:12:26 PM) : "it does not take this long to walk back!"
wexlackxamity (11:12:27 PM) : i think i didnt have the phone to my ear because i didnt hear that
wexlackxamity (11:12:35 PM) : i think dillon had the phone
wexlackxamity (11:13:04 PM) : because if id heard that i wouldnt have done it the way i did
"chelsea cole " (11:13:22 PM) : andrea thinks that you're going to get hurt with him.
wexlackxamity (11:13:25 PM) : i know
wexlackxamity (11:13:34 PM) : and from what i understand, she hopes i do
wexlackxamity (11:13:37 PM) : what shes not getting though
wexlackxamity (11:13:46 PM) : is that i have no emotional attachment to him
"chelsea cole " (11:13:55 PM) : except.
wexlackxamity (11:13:59 PM) : except?
"chelsea cole " (11:14:39 PM) : why were you blushing when you two kissed?
"chelsea cole " (11:14:43 PM) : why were you leaning on him?
wexlackxamity (11:14:49 PM) : because he kissed me in front of all my friends!
"chelsea cole " (11:14:50 PM) : why were you listening to music?
wexlackxamity (11:14:57 PM) : because he was there, its a fling
wexlackxamity (11:15:02 PM) : im not taking it seriously
wexlackxamity (11:15:05 PM) : but its nice to be liked
wexlackxamity (11:15:21 PM) : hes the first person since tom (i dont count john) to pay any attention to me
"chelsea cole " (11:15:36 PM) : so you're trying to be the player when you're going to be played.
"chelsea cole " (11:15:40 PM) : andrea's telling you to get out now.
wexlackxamity (11:15:40 PM) : im not going to take it anywhere, its not like im going to have sex with him
"chelsea cole " (11:15:44 PM) : um hi.
wexlackxamity (11:15:45 PM) : hmm
"chelsea cole " (11:15:47 PM) : um.
"chelsea cole " (11:15:48 PM) : seriously.
wexlackxamity (11:15:49 PM) : what?
"chelsea cole " (11:15:51 PM) : it's dylan.
"chelsea cole " (11:15:54 PM) : *dillon.
wexlackxamity (11:16:24 PM) : i dont really know what to say
"chelsea cole " (11:16:40 PM) : andrea is trying to protect you
"chelsea cole " (11:16:49 PM) : she doesn't want you to get hurt.
"chelsea cole " (11:16:54 PM) : by you not following her advice
"chelsea cole " (11:16:58 PM) : it is a slap in the face.
"chelsea cole " (11:17:02 PM) : you're telling her that she doesn't know
"chelsea cole " (11:17:05 PM) : it's different
"chelsea cole " (11:17:08 PM) : that it's just a fling
"chelsea cole " (11:17:12 PM) : that it's for your enjoyment.
"chelsea cole " (11:17:16 PM) : thing is.
"chelsea cole " (11:17:18 PM) : it's not.
"chelsea cole " (11:17:20 PM) : it's for him.
"chelsea cole " (11:17:33 PM) : he wants something easy. he looked at you and pegged you for what you're not.
"chelsea cole " (11:17:43 PM) : you were wearing shorts.
"chelsea cole " (11:17:44 PM) : you're pretty.
"chelsea cole " (11:17:46 PM) : skinny.
"chelsea cole " (11:17:51 PM) : single.
"chelsea cole " (11:18:07 PM) : you're going to get hurt in some way, she knows it, she tries to tell you, to help you, and you pretty much ignored her.
"chelsea cole " (11:18:14 PM) : she cares for you and she shows it through protection and guidance.
"chelsea cole " (11:18:18 PM) : i know what is right and what is wrong.
"chelsea cole " (11:18:28 PM) : i won't say anything unless you people ask me.
"chelsea cole " (11:18:33 PM) : i won't tell you what to do.
wexlackxamity (11:18:33 PM) : i know, i know...youre right.
"chelsea cole " (11:18:43 PM) : it's your life.
"chelsea cole " (11:18:45 PM) : you figure it out.
wexlackxamity (11:18:52 PM) : i hate this. i know im not doing the smartest thing
wexlackxamity (11:18:56 PM) : shes right.
wexlackxamity (11:18:59 PM) : its just really hard
wexlackxamity (11:19:17 PM) : because its like im walking away from being...i dont know, cared for
wexlackxamity (11:19:21 PM) : even though i know
wexlackxamity (11:19:26 PM) : its not like that at all
wexlackxamity (11:19:27 PM) : ldksjfdlskfjdsf
"chelsea cole " (11:19:32 PM) : i did that to a boy.
"chelsea cole " (11:19:33 PM) : twice.
wexlackxamity (11:19:45 PM) : did what
wexlackxamity (11:19:45 PM) : ?
"chelsea cole " (11:19:54 PM) : wanted someone to tell me that they love me and care for me.
"chelsea cole " (11:20:00 PM) : needed to have someone there because i was hurting.
wexlackxamity (11:20:13 PM) : the thing is, i get the feeling andrea doesnt like me way too often for me to feel like she DOES care for me.
wexlackxamity (11:20:24 PM) : because shes right, i dont belong
"chelsea cole " (11:20:50 PM) : you are still figuring out who you are.
"chelsea cole " (11:20:53 PM) : andrea has figured herself out.
"chelsea cole " (11:21:06 PM) : so has katie.
"chelsea cole " (11:21:09 PM) : i can pretend that i have.
wexlackxamity (11:21:59 PM) : by "figured themselves out" what do you mean? because the only change ive seen lately in katie is the drug thing.
wexlackxamity (11:23:17 PM) : i dont know. i feel like im trying to hold on to something thats not there anymore, because the truth is they dont treat me like a treasured friend or anything. they treat me like a child every time i say something that if anyone else said would be taken differently. i havent felt like they actually give a shit if they stay friends with me lately, like, at ALL. which, yeah, hurts/
wexlackxamity (11:25:47 PM) : and of course, theres the whole every time im with them at the same time i am completely shut out and ignored
wexlackxamity (11:25:59 PM) : which is why i left this afternoon, although today it was probably fully on purpose
"chelsea cole " (11:29:06 PM) : they have themselves pegged for who they are and who they want to be.
"chelsea cole " (11:29:08 PM) : they're not changing.
wexlackxamity (11:29:44 PM) : so because im still figuring out who i want to be, i get treated like a child and excluded?
"chelsea cole " (11:30:08 PM) : it's not that you're not a set personality.
"chelsea cole " (11:30:20 PM) : it's the fact that you seem unwilling to accept the advice of others.
wexlackxamity (11:30:40 PM) : accepting advice and following it are two completely different things
wexlackxamity (11:30:48 PM) : and i do intend on following her advice, i really do
wexlackxamity (11:31:02 PM) : it was just...today, i NEEDED that
"chelsea cole " (11:31:05 PM) : good intentions and bad reflexes, right?
wexlackxamity (11:31:09 PM) : yeah/
"chelsea cole " (11:31:25 PM) : then i'm okay with what you're doing.
wexlackxamity (11:31:31 PM) : thank you.
"chelsea cole " (11:31:56 PM) : i would recommend telling andrea that you need someone right now, and he was the first to pop up.
"chelsea cole " (11:32:00 PM) : that's how matt was for me.
"chelsea cole " (11:32:04 PM) : it's why i'm all SDFL:KDSJ ALEX.
"chelsea cole " (11:32:08 PM) : which i'm sure it gets annoying.
wexlackxamity (11:32:35 PM) : thats exactly what it was
wexlackxamity (11:32:50 PM) : ive been lonely since i got completely ditched in the beginning of july
wexlackxamity (11:32:51 PM) : i mean
wexlackxamity (11:33:02 PM) : i havent even had any one there to support me friendship wise
wexlackxamity (11:33:07 PM) : and then bam, guy
wexlackxamity (11:33:22 PM) : i just....i guess i needed something to balance myself on
"chelsea cole " (11:33:35 PM) : yes.
"chelsea cole " (11:33:40 PM) : keep him until you're balanced.
"chelsea cole " (11:33:53 PM) : but don't let him get anything past a friend with benefits.
"chelsea cole " (11:33:56 PM) : sounds bad.
"chelsea cole " (11:33:58 PM) : trust me.
wexlackxamity (11:34:00 PM) : i dont want to let him get past that
"chelsea cole " (11:34:07 PM) : good intentions.
"chelsea cole " (11:34:10 PM) : bad reflexes.
"chelsea cole " (11:34:34 PM) : if he tries to hurt you i hurt him, though.
"chelsea cole " (11:34:38 PM) : so.
wexlackxamity (11:34:40 PM) : haha
wexlackxamity (11:34:46 PM) : thats okay.
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