can you feel your heartbeat racing

can you taste the fear in her sweat

ok so its like 1 in the morning and im sitting here in andreas living room blogging...i need a life. yesterday (or i guess it was the day before, but its not tomorrow until i sleep even though technically it is tomorrow. was that coherent?) when i was frustrated i wrote out everything i disliked about tom and then typed it here. butttt then he called and i told him cuz andrea'd told him about it so we talked about it and now hes gonna try to be better, i suppose. i hope he will, because john and katy have the same kind of problems we do, and they dont seem to be doing too well. i dont want that to happen to me and tom, even there is a lot that tends to upset me. because everyone has that in some form, and we just need to learn to get past it. idk. whatever i guess. i do love him, i do like to be around him, for god knows why. he tends to like to piss people off, and i get people asking me how i could possibly like him all the time. the answer to that i dont know. i just DO. maybe its because im a bitch myself, so i like the way it makes me feel better about myself, or something. the thing is though, that i seriously couldnt tell you why. im not saying hes a horrible person that no one should like, not at all, im just saying that i cannot come up with one quality that makes me specifically drawn to him. hes funny, hes nice (to me), but i can say that about a lot of guys i know. i dont know what it is that makes him so special. i dont know anything. i dont even know what the point of this post is or why youre reading it. what i do know is that i hope tom will continue trying to be better, like he said he would when we talked about everything about him that bugs me. the thing is that hes him, and he doesnt tend to keep those promises. i dont know if he just gets bored of trying to do the right thing, or just gets apathetic, or just gives up because he doesnt care enough....idkidkidkidk IWISHIFUCKINGDIDTHOUGHCUZITDBENICETOHAVESOMEONEWHOWOULDCONTINUETRYINGAFTERAWEEKORSO. rarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. =[. i need sleep. i need a life. i need coherency. i need you, tom. sneak out of your house, come see me. right now. all i need is to be held while i sleep. im lonely and insecure.