this is how i feel; im cold and im ashamed lying naked on the floor
way to forget you were mad at me (yes, sarcasm. its me, dont tell me its unexpected.). the only reason im talking to you again instead of just ignoring you forever is because i decided i didnt care enough to hold a grudge. dont think i forgave you. completely. i did a little bit because you're you and you probably can't help it. telling alex that STUFF, though...that could have been helped. that was so damn low of you. you didnt have to do that to get back at me for anything. it wasnt your right to tell her anything, especially when i didnt want to tell YOU in the first place. and for telling her, dont be surprised when i dont tell you anything anymore. and im serious. you are CUT OFF.
tri high was interesting. me and sarah (magoon) talked about how wed never been followed by cops before as we walked along being followed by cops. fuck dakota and tom for coming to me and ryan and sarah and making the cops think we did something too. grarrgghh. me and sarah are becoming friends, its kind of cool. especially since we live near each other. other than the cop thing i guess it was fine, but i sort of lost it when katie and tom were fighting. i wasnt mad with katie really, just a little irritated at not keeping her dislike in, but i felt most of my anger directed at tom, because he didnt have to be annoying back. i dont know. i think its easy for me to get annoyed at him because i already had been before. i think were good now because im not in such a bitchy mood as i had been all week anymore, and i havent talked to him since last night really so i guess i got a bit of a break, but yeah. sometimes i think its easier to love him from a distance, because up close i get too easily pissed off. i havent felt like making out lately, and i think its hurting his feelings, but its not because of him i just havent felt like kissing. its not that i havent felt like kissing tom, its that i havent felt like kissing, period. =\. but i think its just hormones. i HOPE its just hormones. if it wasnt id be worried.
andreas list of fears made me think. i agree with a lot of them. i have mostly rational fears myself, but im an irrational person so i have many irrational fears. i fear time--> time makes emotions fade, makes songs that can make me cry get old and lose their power. time can make me fall out of love, make me grow out of my friends, change my personality. i guess what it gets down to is change. change is what im afraid of. i especially agree with andrea on one thing; im afraid of waking up in the morning and not loving him any more. because thats what happens with crushes; what is so different about love? i just hope it doesnt happen. i hope that if it does, it happens gradually. mutually. i dont want to ever have to do that. it would be horrid. on both parts. scarring.
am i being paranoid?
dont answer that.
you can answer me and tell me whats wrong with me though. you can tell me whats irrational about me. you can tell me how not to get annoyed at everyone especially your boyfriend every time you have pms.
or something.
<3
1 comment:
liz, your a wonderful person and i'm sure that deep down everyone's afraid of change, becoming something that they weren't, or don't want to be.
and i like what you said about the songs that make you cry. i hate when i listen to a song so much that it doesn't make me cry anymore.
but there is nothing irrational about you. i mean of course, besides your fears. but it's because your so rational, like myself, that you don't have as many rational fears.
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