where's hope when misery comes crawling?

thats pretty much it.

this is why i hate him

i told you no
you reached
i told you no
you pulled
i told you no
you forced
closer, closer
now i'm on the floor
laughing but i'm worried
i told you no
prying apart
i'm telling you no
why aren't you listening?
you're so, so close
why aren't you stopping??
i told you no
you look into my eyes
maybe see the fear
because finally
Finally
you pull away
apologize
i hug you
thank you
tell you i love you
because you did that for me
looking back i see
you didn't do anything for me
i thanked you for not raping me?
what the hell was i thinking?

so this is what we're up against in this city of secrets

oh my god, forgive me for who i'm not

i am stubborn, reluctant, confused, exhilarated, hot, irrational, unpleasant, unproductive, young, happy but depressed, full but empty, hypocritical, talkative, explosive, temperamental, impatient, exciting, excited, coldhearted, mean, cruel, sympathetic, empathetic, compassionate, dangerous, backstabbing, i-will-break-you, music-loving, musically deficient, obsessed, boring, broken, slutty, addicted, flirty, humorous, imaginative, deficient, glorious, adorable, jealous, vivacious, smart, afraid, uncaring, unique, pessimistic, literate, apathetic, ludicrous, stupid, materialistic, uninformed, lively, macabre, astonishing, funny, vague, pale, inconsistent, ignorant, nonchalant, spectacular, nostalgic, unwilling, obscene, perverted, dirty, ruthless, redundant, unusual, racist, stereotypical, crazy, amusing, dull, riviting, insane, enchanting, gullible, grumpy, snappy, difficult, witty, bitchy, smiling, horrid, fragile, odd, nosy, helpful, rebellious, serious, sarcastic, annoying, fun, strange, obnoxious, faithful, thoughtless, elegant, embarrassed, high maintenance, voiceless, aggressive, clever, tainted, innocent, modern, angry, open, powerless, bewildered, fearless, clumsy, airheaded, cautious, brunette but i should be blonde, uninterested, wrong, confident, disastrous, lazy, mysterious, hateful, brave, creepy, defiant, disturbing, spicy, unruly, valuable, foolish, frightened, loose, precious, outrageous, uptight, wicked, selfish, human, ALIVE.

your treason is silence

thanks a lot, guys. love you too.

Ten Little Known and Possibly Embarrassing Material, Inconsequential Facts About Yourself

Ill start.

10. i love the song too little too late by jojo...and i love avril lavigne.

9. im often very horny at 2 in the morning

8. i have over 100 nail polishes and over 400 dum dum pop wrappers

7. je déteste l'exercice

6. i wish i could read minds and go invisible

5. sometimes i love watching history channel and documentaries...like about
ancient egypt and the history of punk rock and the american revolution...i love history

4. eggs are disgusting

3. i like hanging out with my great grandma

2. i dont hate my mom and sister all the time

1. i love organizing stuff but i hate to clean


your turn.

okay andrea, i tried, it sucks, i didnt edit anything

but hey. i tried.

My attempt to use andreas line in a poem, starting...now:

struggle
push
squeeze
snap
turn in front of the mirror
sigh at the bulges
refuse to admit
its not the right size
to do that would be
to increase one more number
its just a number
just for convinience
but any girl knows that
the number holds so much
pain and insecurity
hidden feelings that
rarely emerge on the surface
the inch long tag
with the miniscule figure
can make a world of difference
can hold back a girl
from being herself
from being beautiful
can make her shut
herself away in
baggy clothes and the like
or can make her
look worse than she
thought she would originally
by continuing to wear
the size she bursts out of
all because increasing
the number on her pieces of
flesh-covering fabric
is inconceivable
devastating
impossible to go through with
over and over again
this war of nerves like deja vu
the horror of discovering
you cant stay tiny forever
supermodel sizes are not for real
and so we fake it
and give up our comfort
in place of our dignity

you can have anything you want

but you better not take it from me

(OKAY ANDREA IM BLOGGING EVEN THOUGH I REALLY DONT HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY)




so i proved it (twice.) youve proved it(not at all.) but im not mad because when we hang out (which is hopefully tomorrow) it might happen. but hey, i tried on thursday. you said it was because youre shy and it was unexpected, and i choose to believe you because on so many other occassions you seem somewhat obsessed (like me). it would have been different if brad wasnt there (i guess). im going through caveman withdrawl. this weekend wasnt fun, you should tell your dad not to kidnap you to places without phones anymore. oh well. from what i gathered, you were bored too. im being ridiculous. tim lorence is interested, i told him im sorry but i have you (the other way in which ive proved it). hes being persistent, however, and trying to use cassie to get me to change my mind and stuff. its kind of hilarious because itll never work. im yours (hopefully you want me there still).

i love the way i said goodbye, this is my exit and your time to shine

so let me go, stop the search cause i found what i'm looking for


im enjoying this so much more. breaking up with tom was one of the best decisions ive ever made. i didnt know i could get along with anyone so well-and weve been telling each other EVERYTHING. even when someone makes a mistake, we dont fight. were not going out and im still so much happier now. the stress has been released, and i still have stress but im not depressed. you make me happy. simple as that.

even though i was annoyed at everything (except you) today. i noticed you kind of were too. maybe it was a joint connection thing. idk.

i realized today how much i seriously, absolutely DETEST hearing about drugs. i cannot stand them. smoking anything, really. i dont want to hear about it, i dont want to know about it, i am so happy it is out of my life.

my moms been better since we got back from pennsylvania, oddly enough. no screaming fights, and the arguments weve been having havent escalated and shes been getting over them by the time i talk to her again. its so unusual, but i like it better this way. i dont need that stress. im worried about finals. (well, three of them.) maybe i should study at some point.


thank god this school year is over--thank god you promised to be with me so often ill get sick of you. just know that i wont.

let's spend tonight on top of the world

we can do anything, we can be anything

aww, it WAS the way i thought it was. <3


i'll meet you tonight on top of the world