and we are the future, too.
so i havent had too much to say lately. or i havent had the words to say what i want. i dont know.
things with mike have been good lately. we had another period where he annoyed the shit out of me and i was so confused, but then at the end of last week i got better again and now we are good once again. the rollercoaster of my relationship is fully functioning, i suppose.
lately ive started talking to lucas a lot. this is weird for me...i didnt like him very much when i met him in eighth grade, didnt talk to him last year. but hes different now and i like talking to him. we talk on facebook or through texting. i dont know. we talk about music and scrubs versus house and all my problems.
eric stromberg isnt a douche anymore. wtf is up with that.
so that one person likes me again...still. its odd, but not really unexpected. i could kind of guess that would happen. he knows i know, and its a little odd. he says it hurts whenever he sees me with mike, but he knows that its his fault things turned out that way. he apologizes so often and stuff and i forgave him and said we can be friends because i know that thats all that will happen with it, and i long got over it. i harbor no hard feelings towards him. but its a little awkward being close with him and going out with mike at the same time.
i got into a giaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant fight with madre last night. it was about my freedom (or lack of it) and how she both wont buy me a car and insurance, and how i cant drive with teenagers. i think that leaves me a little bit stuck. she was like "i dont care, you arent driving with your friends. ill drop you off places." sorry, mom, i am not going to be 17 and driven around everywhere by my mom. anyways. when it comes to buying me things (ANYTHING), she always uses the "you are going to be on your own soon and need to learn to be responsible with money and be able to fend for yourself" excuse. however, whenever that excuse will benefit ME, its irrelevant and not the philosophy she lives by. shes afraid of me having too much freedom and getting everything i want in live, and so she makes stupid rules for what i can and cant do. she doesnt trust me at all with anything. not with mike, not with my friends, not to be able to care for myself. and i dont do anything to prove to her that i cant make my own decisions. she was claiming that i am irresponsible. but she cant give me examples. the only one she could come up with was that i never help out around the house without being begged to. just 3 days ago i went downstairs and did laundry without being asked. for the next 2 days she BITCHED at me about how i did it wrong and i put too much in and i shouldnt have touched anyone elses stuff. OHkay. PLEASE explain to me what the FUCK i was expected to do to hang out around the house if shes just going to yell at me for every little inconsequential thing that wasnt done her way. ive never done anything to show to her that i am irresponsible and will go get myself into trouble as soon as she lets go a little bit. she was telling me i have no money saved up for a car or anything which proves that i dont plan into the future. what she doesnt know is that as soon as tam gets her license, we were planning on going to every place we could think of and getting applications to save money for ourselves. jobs not for spending, but for saving. we were waiting till then so that we have a way to GET to said jobs. she told me that i am irresponsible with my babysitting money. heres the problem with that: i make 7 dollars an hour and babysit like once every week, usually less. i dont get an allowance. am i supposed to have NO money for myself? she was telling me other kids do work around the house just to be helpful. yeah, mom, that plus the fact that THEY GET PAID AT THE END OF THE WEEK. THEYRE NO BETTER THAN I AM. i think that if she is going to tell me all this "you need to be responsible with your money and learn to fend for yourself" stuff, she needs to stick to it. she cant use it in her favor when its convinient. she either lets me learn for myself and live like a normal kid, or she doesnt. and buys me a car and insurance like a normal parent who has the ability to do so. she doesnt get that im getting older, i am going to be out of here in two years, and she needs to let me learn how to deal with stuff by myself. one second shes telling me shes not going to hold my hand through life, and then when i want to do something that maybe involves a small risk or she doesnt want me doing, it becomes a case of "my house, my rules." when is she going to let me become independant if she is going to continue to insist on not letting me drive with teenagers (which is completely ridiculous, theyre my FRIENDS and im not an idiot. if theyre doing something wrong or dangerous with their driving, ill speak up. its not like im going to sit there and let myself get killed.) and not letting me go places often without a fight? shes always telling me "im not going to let you go out and do whatever you want, whenever you want." who is she to regulate my life? 'k, you can do this now, and this then, but you cant do anything in between. otherwise you might get the idea into your head that i want you to be happy.'
what the fuck.
i cant wait till i get out of here. shes frickin ridiculous. trust that you raised me right and let me make the distinction between right and wrong myself already.
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