hold me, hold me, if i were to...

i cant, cant, i swear i cant let you

this was my day:


john foss put my phone in his pants (all the way, underwear too) at lunch, and then travis truax and brian sharp were throwing fries down my shirt, adn then john and tyler raitanen were trying to get into my bag to steal my amp, and then when i was talking about how violated i was today jessica came up behind me and grabbed my ass.

amp as in the energy drink fyi

and this second part was while all the guys i was walking down the hall with were being all rowdy and trying to put my hood up and pushing each other into lockers and such.

i have great friends. toms coming back tonight! =]

let the torturing ensue

my soul is worthless without you

tom is in D.C. till friday for rotc so im lonely. =[

and avery might be expelled :O

that is all.

can you feel your heartbeat racing

can you taste the fear in her sweat

ok so its like 1 in the morning and im sitting here in andreas living room blogging...i need a life. yesterday (or i guess it was the day before, but its not tomorrow until i sleep even though technically it is tomorrow. was that coherent?) when i was frustrated i wrote out everything i disliked about tom and then typed it here. butttt then he called and i told him cuz andrea'd told him about it so we talked about it and now hes gonna try to be better, i suppose. i hope he will, because john and katy have the same kind of problems we do, and they dont seem to be doing too well. i dont want that to happen to me and tom, even there is a lot that tends to upset me. because everyone has that in some form, and we just need to learn to get past it. idk. whatever i guess. i do love him, i do like to be around him, for god knows why. he tends to like to piss people off, and i get people asking me how i could possibly like him all the time. the answer to that i dont know. i just DO. maybe its because im a bitch myself, so i like the way it makes me feel better about myself, or something. the thing is though, that i seriously couldnt tell you why. im not saying hes a horrible person that no one should like, not at all, im just saying that i cannot come up with one quality that makes me specifically drawn to him. hes funny, hes nice (to me), but i can say that about a lot of guys i know. i dont know what it is that makes him so special. i dont know anything. i dont even know what the point of this post is or why youre reading it. what i do know is that i hope tom will continue trying to be better, like he said he would when we talked about everything about him that bugs me. the thing is that hes him, and he doesnt tend to keep those promises. i dont know if he just gets bored of trying to do the right thing, or just gets apathetic, or just gives up because he doesnt care enough....idkidkidkidk IWISHIFUCKINGDIDTHOUGHCUZITDBENICETOHAVESOMEONEWHOWOULDCONTINUETRYINGAFTERAWEEKORSO. rarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. =[. i need sleep. i need a life. i need coherency. i need you, tom. sneak out of your house, come see me. right now. all i need is to be held while i sleep. im lonely and insecure.

cause im broken when i'm open

and i dont feel right when you're gone away

much too offended
acting bipolar
liz...
i love you

me you could hurt
me on the floor
liz...
i love you

those three words
dont mean anything
liz...
i love you

you've got to prove that
the truth you mean
liz...
i love you

i need to know
it isnt a lie
liz..
i love you

"prove it? but how?"
you say with a sigh
liz...
i love you

but why believe?
you lie to me
liz...
i love you

it seems to come
too easily
liz..
i love you

you shut me up
i say no more
liz...
i love you

you've won me back
i'm yours to hurt
liz...
i love you

do as you wish
say nothing i will
as i steadily grow
unhappier still
act like a jerk
forgetting your role
your anger or something
eats at your soul
where's the compassion?
affection you had?
do you really want to
end up like your dad?
you say you love me
but can that be true?
when lately you act
too much like...well, you?
but how is it right?
it's me that you're with
but lately all that
you tell me is myth
i thought i was different
let's start over new
think next time you say
liz...
i love you