the things that matter about me, continued.

read the last post before this one. or read them both. whatever.

11. if i dont feel like talking to someone or im in a bitchy mood and theyre talking to me, ill stare right past them (like im looking behind them as if im looking for someone more worthwhile or theyre unimportant and im looking right through them.)

12. im secure about a lot, but i am very insecure about all but my very closest friends. i constantly worry that they dont want me there or theyre only acting like they like me, or they talk about me behind my back. ditto when i have a crush. actually, its worse when i like them because i care more what they think, so i try way too hard to act not irritating, and end up acting very unnatturally. sometimes its okay though.

13. i dont like what i look like when my hair is up, unless some is down or in my face. i need my side bangs to feel pretty. i also tend not to like my appearance without at least the minimal amount of eyeliner.

14. i love being in pools so much, but i hate lakes and refuse to go underwater in them.

15. i fear i am too apathetic about things; if its not happening to me, i am unaffected. i think i dont know how to love because i treat those i claim to love just as badly at times as everyone else. i do stop to talk to old people in my neighborhood when they say hello, however. but im very selfish.

16. i cannot ever admit i am wrong. if i am, i will try to cover it up because i am much too prideful to let someone else be right and win. (this goes along with #6 on my last post.)

17. i love getting hit on. to the point of sluttiness, kind of. ill pretend to be mad at guys when they touch my ass or whatever because i know im supposed to be offended or feel violated, but really im not. im so used to being viewed as not hot that its incredibly flattering.

18. one of the many things i cannot stand about people (one of my hugest pet peeves) is when people skip washing their hair. oily (even semi-oily) hair is so disgusting.

19. guys make much, much better friends.

20. i tend to hold long, pointless grudges because its easier than resolving the actual incident and forgiving the person. its easier than coming in contact with and having to interact with the person. plus i love confrontation, its so much fun. im kind of a confrontation addict. draaama.

21. i cant stand being alone for long periods of time, but i also cant stand being in the company of...well, lets just say that many more people exist that i dont like being around than really should.