Well have you had enough?
I really, really, REALLY wonder why i try sometimes. You create your own problems.
Thanks for ruining my day off.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Nice legs, daisy dukes, makes a man go [whistle] Thats the way they all come through like [whistle whistle]
Low-cut, see-through shirts that make you [whistles]
Thats the way she come through like [whistles]
So I've been having some issues lately. My old style of dressing really isn't going over too well, due to my lower-than-some shirts actually having something to show now. It pisses off my mother, who tells me I'm dressed like a skank, and it pisses off my boyfriend, who doesn't appreciate every guy that's taller than me staring down my shirt (or every average height or shorter guy staring at my chest.) Which, of course, is understandable. I also don't like jeans, due to their discomfort and the fact that all my old jeans have become too tight in the ass-waist-etc area.
So i guess I need to find some other way to dress. So far this school year I've worn jeans twice. Maybe once. I'm going with twice just in case I'm forgetting some time in September(I feel like I am).
School's getting kind of difficult. So far I actually seem to have less homework than last year, but I've discovered AP Calc is far, far over my head. Mr. Coates wants me to try being tutored by one of last year's students, but I have a feeling that isn't going to help much. He said if it doesn't we can talk about being switched into the other Calc class two doors down. WHICH is also AP Calc. I don't think when I talked to him, he understood that me wanting out of his class meant wanting to move DOWN. Like, to CALC. Not a slower AP Calc with an equally deficient teacher.
Sigh. On my relationship front, things are going well. I'm very happy. Only I'm still grounded till homecoming. Which somehow has improved my relationship with my mother...I don't understand why. I mean, you'd think that her discovering I've betrayed her morals would make us worse, when actually it's made us fight not at all in these past two weeks. I no longer am cool with Dom's mom though:\ because she acted like a child when I told her she betrayed my trust and I no longer trust her. WHICH IS PERFECTLY REASONABLE. I didn't tell her 'hey it didn't make sense for you to tell my parents'. I understood that as a mother she was doing what she thought was right. I'm just saying that it's also perfectly reasonable for me to fear the time will come when anything else I tell her will have to be told. But instead of understanding this, she came at me with the response of a preteen girl. Or perhaps a six-year-old. "Well, if you don't trust me, you can't come over. *yeah. so there. sticks tongue out*". I mean, does that not seem awfully immature to you?
SOOO it went on that way for two weeks and then yesterday I was informed that she says she's sorry for telling my parents. My response to that was, I wasn't angry about that, I was angry about the fact that I have absolutely zero respect for her after her emotional maturity was proved to be younger than my own. (I'm sorry, but WHY exactly do I have to be your friend to date your son...?)
I got my homecoming dress and it was seventy five dollars and that was all the money I had outside of my saved money, so therefore I am about broke. I've gotten some money since then, from babysitting and the money my grandpa gives me every weekend, but because every time I get money half goes into my saved money, I still only have about 20 bucks. I had almost thirty but I bought Dom some really awesome boxers that were five dollars and I got dq with sarah the other day. Whatever. I still have like 500 saved.
My parents have informed me that if I show incentive to drive, they will get me a car. Therefore, I have been showing incentive to drive. I'm getting slightly better but I've discovered that if I think about it I do worse. My turns could use work (I tend to slow down too much) and I have issues maintaining speed. But other than that I drive fine. OH AND BACKING UP I HATE BACKING UP. :]
I want a job but I also want to volunteer and I'm also a junior in high school which means these three things don't go very well together.
Karina has this thing she does where as soon as she's told something she doesn't like, she cries like a baby. If she doesn't do that she just screams. Like, a single angry shriek. It's horribly irritating and I don't like her. Rebecca is cute.
Oh and I've discovered that I don't really like many people and as a result most of my school time is spent being irritated. Especially in health class. Sophomores as a whole are irritating.
I sleep a lot.
Thats the way she come through like [whistles]
So I've been having some issues lately. My old style of dressing really isn't going over too well, due to my lower-than-some shirts actually having something to show now. It pisses off my mother, who tells me I'm dressed like a skank, and it pisses off my boyfriend, who doesn't appreciate every guy that's taller than me staring down my shirt (or every average height or shorter guy staring at my chest.) Which, of course, is understandable. I also don't like jeans, due to their discomfort and the fact that all my old jeans have become too tight in the ass-waist-etc area.
So i guess I need to find some other way to dress. So far this school year I've worn jeans twice. Maybe once. I'm going with twice just in case I'm forgetting some time in September(I feel like I am).
School's getting kind of difficult. So far I actually seem to have less homework than last year, but I've discovered AP Calc is far, far over my head. Mr. Coates wants me to try being tutored by one of last year's students, but I have a feeling that isn't going to help much. He said if it doesn't we can talk about being switched into the other Calc class two doors down. WHICH is also AP Calc. I don't think when I talked to him, he understood that me wanting out of his class meant wanting to move DOWN. Like, to CALC. Not a slower AP Calc with an equally deficient teacher.
Sigh. On my relationship front, things are going well. I'm very happy. Only I'm still grounded till homecoming. Which somehow has improved my relationship with my mother...I don't understand why. I mean, you'd think that her discovering I've betrayed her morals would make us worse, when actually it's made us fight not at all in these past two weeks. I no longer am cool with Dom's mom though:\ because she acted like a child when I told her she betrayed my trust and I no longer trust her. WHICH IS PERFECTLY REASONABLE. I didn't tell her 'hey it didn't make sense for you to tell my parents'. I understood that as a mother she was doing what she thought was right. I'm just saying that it's also perfectly reasonable for me to fear the time will come when anything else I tell her will have to be told. But instead of understanding this, she came at me with the response of a preteen girl. Or perhaps a six-year-old. "Well, if you don't trust me, you can't come over. *yeah. so there. sticks tongue out*". I mean, does that not seem awfully immature to you?
SOOO it went on that way for two weeks and then yesterday I was informed that she says she's sorry for telling my parents. My response to that was, I wasn't angry about that, I was angry about the fact that I have absolutely zero respect for her after her emotional maturity was proved to be younger than my own. (I'm sorry, but WHY exactly do I have to be your friend to date your son...?)
I got my homecoming dress and it was seventy five dollars and that was all the money I had outside of my saved money, so therefore I am about broke. I've gotten some money since then, from babysitting and the money my grandpa gives me every weekend, but because every time I get money half goes into my saved money, I still only have about 20 bucks. I had almost thirty but I bought Dom some really awesome boxers that were five dollars and I got dq with sarah the other day. Whatever. I still have like 500 saved.
My parents have informed me that if I show incentive to drive, they will get me a car. Therefore, I have been showing incentive to drive. I'm getting slightly better but I've discovered that if I think about it I do worse. My turns could use work (I tend to slow down too much) and I have issues maintaining speed. But other than that I drive fine. OH AND BACKING UP I HATE BACKING UP. :]
I want a job but I also want to volunteer and I'm also a junior in high school which means these three things don't go very well together.
Karina has this thing she does where as soon as she's told something she doesn't like, she cries like a baby. If she doesn't do that she just screams. Like, a single angry shriek. It's horribly irritating and I don't like her. Rebecca is cute.
Oh and I've discovered that I don't really like many people and as a result most of my school time is spent being irritated. Especially in health class. Sophomores as a whole are irritating.
I sleep a lot.
Monday, June 1, 2009
J'aurai traverser la mer
pour marcher dans tes pas
i should be doing my homework. for the last two weeks, i have not cared about my homework and i no longer care that i have no idea whats going on in two of my classes and all my homework is copied. i just want out.
i should be doing biology right now. i took a nap instead. and then remembered my blog exists.
i have nothing to say.
i should be doing my homework. for the last two weeks, i have not cared about my homework and i no longer care that i have no idea whats going on in two of my classes and all my homework is copied. i just want out.
i should be doing biology right now. i took a nap instead. and then remembered my blog exists.
i have nothing to say.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Give a little taste of hypocrisy, maybe you'll hear, the blasphemy
whatever youre preaching, it isnt me
the way i feel about religion is that its something you can relate to and it doesnt even matter if you believed all these things really happened, its the meaning of it, and it makes you genuinely want to be a better person and you WANT to follow this philosophy. Like, when i went to my great grandmas funeral i hadnt been to a church in years. But I actually enjoyed listening to the preacher or whatever talking about how lifes a journey and all these philosophies about what he believes in and i found it really interesting and it was empowering.
I would go to church if people weren't so overly assertive with their views and intolerant of those who believe differently, because it is so contradictory to what they are claiming to follow. i cannot stand what religion has become, in that sense.
Especially those midwestern evangelicals who cant accept evolution and relate everything back to the bible. its a book, okay? with philosophies and morals and stories in it. They piss me off with their lack of acceptance.
the way i feel about religion is that its something you can relate to and it doesnt even matter if you believed all these things really happened, its the meaning of it, and it makes you genuinely want to be a better person and you WANT to follow this philosophy. Like, when i went to my great grandmas funeral i hadnt been to a church in years. But I actually enjoyed listening to the preacher or whatever talking about how lifes a journey and all these philosophies about what he believes in and i found it really interesting and it was empowering.
I would go to church if people weren't so overly assertive with their views and intolerant of those who believe differently, because it is so contradictory to what they are claiming to follow. i cannot stand what religion has become, in that sense.
Especially those midwestern evangelicals who cant accept evolution and relate everything back to the bible. its a book, okay? with philosophies and morals and stories in it. They piss me off with their lack of acceptance.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Why's this make me so nervous? Why does everything go wrong?
I'm holding onto a fairytale...we're moving forward but we're not there yet
fuck the good with my parents thing.
fuck the good with my parents thing.
Monday, March 23, 2009
It's the same game I play till the give becomes the take
It's the same game I play till the bend becomes the break
i dont usually feel the need to explain myself, especially online. but hey. i dont know who im directing this at, really.
I know a lot of you think I rushed stuff lately and you all look down on me all maternally and worry about me. I would just like you to know it pisses me the fuck off cause you are in no position to judge me, half of you having rushed things yourself and being unwilling to admit it or see it. I wasnt being shallow. its never been a big deal for me like it is for other people our age, its not something i worry over. I just kind of did what felt right for me, and none of you are me to tell me whats right for me. Thats my job, and I would appreciate it if you would let me be in charge of that. Believe it or not, I know what I'm getting myself into. I'm not oblivious. And again, you are in no position to tell me I am oblivious, because you are not better than me and are no more apt at deciding when I'm making good or bad choices than anyone else. It's not like you're old and wise.
I've decided that its not being a whore when you do things with someone you barely know. It's being proactive. Cause really, all relationships depend on how you get along sexually. If you're not attracted to each other, it will never work. That's called friendship. So why waste your time getting to know each other on that deep and personal level if you don't know if you'll have to move on later? Whatever.
I'm happy lately. :] Things are going well. Even with my parents. And I feel like I'm able to get a long with girls again. I've been talking to a lot, gotten pretty close to three new people. It's odd, going from all guy friends to all girl friends with assorted guy casual friends. All my males left me:[ and the ones who didn't, I don't really feel anything with that makes me want to know them. With the one obvious major exception. I'm not saying I don't want guy friends, I'm saying that the ones I have I don't feel are friends.
Does anyone know where my copy of The Notebook (the book, not the movie version) is? I made a deal with Dom that if he reads it, I will allow myself to be forced to watch Twilight. But I don't know who borrowed it.
i dont usually feel the need to explain myself, especially online. but hey. i dont know who im directing this at, really.
I know a lot of you think I rushed stuff lately and you all look down on me all maternally and worry about me. I would just like you to know it pisses me the fuck off cause you are in no position to judge me, half of you having rushed things yourself and being unwilling to admit it or see it. I wasnt being shallow. its never been a big deal for me like it is for other people our age, its not something i worry over. I just kind of did what felt right for me, and none of you are me to tell me whats right for me. Thats my job, and I would appreciate it if you would let me be in charge of that. Believe it or not, I know what I'm getting myself into. I'm not oblivious. And again, you are in no position to tell me I am oblivious, because you are not better than me and are no more apt at deciding when I'm making good or bad choices than anyone else. It's not like you're old and wise.
I've decided that its not being a whore when you do things with someone you barely know. It's being proactive. Cause really, all relationships depend on how you get along sexually. If you're not attracted to each other, it will never work. That's called friendship. So why waste your time getting to know each other on that deep and personal level if you don't know if you'll have to move on later? Whatever.
I'm happy lately. :] Things are going well. Even with my parents. And I feel like I'm able to get a long with girls again. I've been talking to a lot, gotten pretty close to three new people. It's odd, going from all guy friends to all girl friends with assorted guy casual friends. All my males left me:[ and the ones who didn't, I don't really feel anything with that makes me want to know them. With the one obvious major exception. I'm not saying I don't want guy friends, I'm saying that the ones I have I don't feel are friends.
Does anyone know where my copy of The Notebook (the book, not the movie version) is? I made a deal with Dom that if he reads it, I will allow myself to be forced to watch Twilight. But I don't know who borrowed it.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
And hey sweetie, well I need you here tonight
And I know that you don't want to be leaving me
It seems backwards to me that every day I get a little bit more obsessed. i know it annoys you all...i apologize.
It seems backwards to me that every day I get a little bit more obsessed. i know it annoys you all...i apologize.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
won't you take it from me? just take it all
cause you never know youre leaving until its over
i really only care to make effort for seven or eight people lately. im not sure what it is. i dont hate everyone else, but i dont really care unless they start making effort and show its worth it.
its not anything anyone did.
i really only care to make effort for seven or eight people lately. im not sure what it is. i dont hate everyone else, but i dont really care unless they start making effort and show its worth it.
its not anything anyone did.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
parent teacher conferences.
Cassie
so my mom just went to conferences, right?
8:48pmLiz
oh god
8:48pmCassie
my spanish teacher thought me and charlie were dating.
my math teacher thought i was going out with banish.
8:49pmLiz
hahahahaaaaaaaaaaa
8:49pmCassie
my marketing teacher asked my mom what she thought of me and danny,
MY MOTHER THINKS I AM A WHORE
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
im losing you and its effortless
although maybe not. we made up. but still. whatthefuck. i dont know if i trust you not to do that to me again.
we'll see.
we'll see.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Without me you know you're lost
Wise up now or pay the cost
I don't appreciate you putting me through that. She's kind of skanky. Way to make me paranoid and stressed.
I don't appreciate you putting me through that. She's kind of skanky. Way to make me paranoid and stressed.
Monday, February 23, 2009
but know I know that I'm crazy (I think that I'm going nowhere)
So scream loud and look at me way down,
I know that you're afraid,
I'll hold you close and never, ever let you go
I know that you're afraid,
I'll hold you close and never, ever let you go
So it feels like forever since I’ve done this. I’m going to wait a few minutes longer because im pissed from my texts not sending; the last ten or so I sent never went anywhere and it took me half an hour to realize why no one was responding. My phone is shit.
So yeah. Im breaking my promise. I cant do it. Ive had a little thing for dom for a while and it was given a chance to turn into something, and it did, and it would be stupid to risk something like that for something as insignificant as my pride. My pride can recover and can be given another chance; this cant. And its what I want now. I change my mind a lot, its who I am. I contain multitudes. I liked that part of Song of Myself. It was his best.
However, this doesn’t give reason to rub it in my face. Im perfectly aware of what im doing. I don’t need help in realizing that I went against what I said id do. Im not retarded and I don’t need that. The only purpose that will serve is if you don’t want me talking to you, because that’s exactly what will happen. It will only serve to severely irritate me.
Its so hard to have deep conversations with some people. They just aren’t capable of thinking that deeply. Its sad. I try.
My drivers ed teacher is weird and never shuts up. This is going to be a painful three weeks. Today she had us draw a map of where our house is for convenience reasons and she had to explain to some kid that when you draw a map the lines represent the roads. Dumbass.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
You know I always stay up without sleepin'
And think to myself; "Where do I belong forever, in whose arms, the time and place?"
i like being single.
i like being single.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
the way we're living makes no sense
take me back to the age of innocence
hes probably gonna see this. but you know what? i dont care. let him think what he wants.
wexlackxamity (2:34:54 PM): i started talking to him on facebook a few weeks ago when i got texting
wexlackxamity (2:34:59 PM): and then he started texting me
wexlackxamity (2:35:20 PM): and we were having rly in depth convos, like about religion and stuff and wewere arguing for like a week about which is better scrubs or house
wexlackxamity (2:35:31 PM): and he was being rllllllllllllly flirty and so it was fun
wexlackxamity (2:35:37 PM): and that kept up and stuff
wexlackxamity (2:35:42 PM): and then last weekend we hung out
wexlackxamity (2:35:53 PM): and hed told me he owed me a hug
wexlackxamity (2:36:05 PM): but then at school when i saw him he kept telling me hed give me my hug later
wexlackxamity (2:36:09 PM): and so i f inally asked him why
wexlackxamity (2:36:17 PM): and he said he didnt wanna make ppl mad and i was like what
wexlackxamity (2:36:40 PM): and he sasid he didnt want ppl to think we were more than we were and stuff and so i asked him why he cared so muich what ppl thought as long as he and i knew the truth
wexlackxamity (2:36:57 PM): and he said he didnt wanna be more than friends cause itd hurt melissa birds feelings
wexlackxamity (2:37:00 PM): who he likes on and off
wexlackxamity (2:37:10 PM): but then i told him i dont even wanna be more (cause i dont)
wexlackxamity (2:37:18 PM): and he said he likes me on and off, like he does her
wexlackxamity (2:37:23 PM): and i told him thats ok cause im the same way
wexlackxamity (2:37:55 PM): and ev er since then we were good at first but then later in the week he would like text me but not go rly in depth abou anything and it seemed like he was texting me but didnt rly wanna talk
wexlackxamity (2:37:59 PM): and he stopped being flirty
wexlackxamity (4:49:08 PM): and then yesterday:
wexlackxamity (11:27:08 PM):me and lucas got in another lil spat and im irritated
wexlackxamity (11:28:13 PM):ummm okay so ever since that day when we talked about what we were adn stuff we were good
wexlackxamity (11:28:20 PM):but he doesnt flirt too much with me any more
wexlackxamity (11:28:33 PM):and he isnt all nice as much any more
wexlackxamity (2:42:27 PM): wexlackxamity (11:28:49 PM):and so hell be kind of a btich a lot, it didnt help that he hasnt been s leeping
wexlackxamity (11:29:21 PM):and so he says bitchy things a lot and its getting annoying cause hell tell me one thing then act meanish
wexlackxamity (11:29:31 PM):adn so today he did it again and i finally asked him why the fuck hes doing that
wexlackxamity (11:29:36 PM):and he never responded. i think he feels awkward about melissa bird
wexlackxamity (11:33:31 PM):this morning we got in a lil fight about his theoretical gf
wexlackxamity (11:34:33 PM):ok cause like
wexlackxamity (11:34:36 PM):i told him what karina did
wexlackxamity (11:34:53 PM):and he said he thinks i should slap her in the face
wexlackxamity (11:35:00 PM):and i said thats almsot as bad as slappin your gf
wexlackxamity (11:35:05 PM):and he said my gf?
wexlackxamity (11:35:10 PM):and i said your theoretical gf
wexlackxamity (11:35:12 PM):and he said which one
wexlackxamity (11:35:15 PM):and i was like which what??
wexlackxamity (11:35:22 PM):and he was like which theoretical gf
wexlackxamity (11:35:30 PM):and i was like i didnt mean anyone
wexlackxamity (11:35:41 PM):and he was like well i haev more than one theoretical gf
wexlackxamity (11:35:58 PM):and i was like are you trying to sau the person determines if its ok to slap her? and btw you msnwhore:]
wexlackxamity (11:36:12 PM):and he was like no theyre all slappable, blow me i am not a man whore
wexlackxamity (11:36:26 PM):and i was like how the fuck do you have more than one theoretical gf
wexlackxamity (11:37:03 PM):and i explained that its not like a gf unless you act like youre dating
wexlackxamity (11:37:11 PM):and he said then he guesses he just has one
wexlackxamity (11:37:18 PM):and i told ihm i dont approve of slapping bird
wexlackxamity (11:37:23 PM):and he said he doesnt care what i approve of
x3 cinematic (4:50:53 PM): wow.
wexlackxamity (4:50:56 PM): yeah.
x3 cinematic (4:51:01 PM): douchbag, much?
wexlackxamity (4:51:03 PM): so i stopped talkign to him and he never responded.
x3 cinematic (4:51:07 PM): *douchebag! i can spell.
wexlackxamity (4:51:17 PM): i figure if he wants to talk to me, he can start by crawling back on his knees.
wexlackxamity (4:51:22 PM): i dont have to put up with his shit
x3 cinematic (4:52:20 PM): good for you. (:
wexlackxamity (4:52:22 PM): :]
wexlackxamity (4:52:45 PM): im glad im doing this, because i never ever am the strong one in these situations and its time i start.
x3 cinematic (4:53:04 PM): he used to do that all the time. be really nice and then act like a complete asshole. of course, that was eight grade, and you said he's changed, but still.
wexlackxamity (4:53:12 PM): up until this week he had.
wexlackxamity (4:53:38 PM): he never does anything outright mean, and before if we were kidding around and he went too far hed sincerely apologize
wexlackxamity (4:53:48 PM): and make sure i knew he didnt mean anything and was just joking
wexlackxamity (4:54:02 PM): but i mean, yesterday and the few days before that he seemed like he didnt give a shit
x3 cinematic (4:54:20 PM): i'm proud of you. he's being an asshole.
wexlackxamity (4:54:42 PM): thank you. i hope i can keep it up. because we have a lot in common and hes so easy to talk to. aarghgdsfdfdfrjy.
wexlackxamity (4:54:52 PM): its a good thing i gave up dating though cause it does simplify it
x3 cinematic (4:57:24 PM): mm. i think it's stupid of him to say that he likes people on and off and then refer to them as "theoretical girlfriends." it's not as if he has to like the same person all the time, but it's not fitting to call them that unless there's is actually something solid between them.
wexlackxamity (4:57:35 PM): thats what i told him
wexlackxamity (4:57:47 PM): i told him its just a girl he has a crush on or talks to a lot unless they actually act like theyre dating
wexlackxamity (4:58:03 PM): i think maybe he was fishing to see if i was referrign to myself
wexlackxamity (4:58:12 PM): and then when i didnt
wexlackxamity (4:58:14 PM): it pissed him off
wexlackxamity (4:58:20 PM): but i could be being too egotistical here
x3 cinematic (4:58:29 PM): no, that's a valid hypothesis.
wexlackxamity (4:58:47 PM): i didnt want to do that though, because i didnt want to give him any sort of power over me. :..
x3 cinematic (4:58:59 PM): that makes sense.
wexlackxamity (4:59:08 PM): and its not like i can ask if thats what he was doing, so i guess ill never know unless he tells e
x3 cinematic (5:00:02 PM): which he probably won't.
wexlackxamity (5:00:07 PM): i think i also insulted him when i called him a manwhore. but really. 1. i was kidding and 2. what do you expect when you say yuo have more than one girl who you think of as your girlfriend
x3 cinematic (5:01:32 PM): he should have known you were kidding, and honestly, i probably would have said the same thing. if he's going to be insistent on flirting with several people while he still refers to someone as his "theoretical girlfriend," then he deserves to be called a manwhore.
wexlackxamity (5:01:39 PM):eeexactlyyy.
wexlackxamity (5:02:26 PM): i told him flat out that i dont want to be more than friends but also that i like him on and off, like he does me. i also told him i think hes leading melissa bird in circles because she does like him and he acts like he does but it depends on his mood and hes not doing anything about it. he never commented on that last part.
hes probably gonna see this. but you know what? i dont care. let him think what he wants.
wexlackxamity (2:34:54 PM): i started talking to him on facebook a few weeks ago when i got texting
wexlackxamity (2:34:59 PM): and then he started texting me
wexlackxamity (2:35:20 PM): and we were having rly in depth convos, like about religion and stuff and wewere arguing for like a week about which is better scrubs or house
wexlackxamity (2:35:31 PM): and he was being rllllllllllllly flirty and so it was fun
wexlackxamity (2:35:37 PM): and that kept up and stuff
wexlackxamity (2:35:42 PM): and then last weekend we hung out
wexlackxamity (2:35:53 PM): and hed told me he owed me a hug
wexlackxamity (2:36:05 PM): but then at school when i saw him he kept telling me hed give me my hug later
wexlackxamity (2:36:09 PM): and so i f inally asked him why
wexlackxamity (2:36:17 PM): and he said he didnt wanna make ppl mad and i was like what
wexlackxamity (2:36:40 PM): and he sasid he didnt want ppl to think we were more than we were and stuff and so i asked him why he cared so muich what ppl thought as long as he and i knew the truth
wexlackxamity (2:36:57 PM): and he said he didnt wanna be more than friends cause itd hurt melissa birds feelings
wexlackxamity (2:37:00 PM): who he likes on and off
wexlackxamity (2:37:10 PM): but then i told him i dont even wanna be more (cause i dont)
wexlackxamity (2:37:18 PM): and he said he likes me on and off, like he does her
wexlackxamity (2:37:23 PM): and i told him thats ok cause im the same way
wexlackxamity (2:37:55 PM): and ev er since then we were good at first but then later in the week he would like text me but not go rly in depth abou anything and it seemed like he was texting me but didnt rly wanna talk
wexlackxamity (2:37:59 PM): and he stopped being flirty
wexlackxamity (4:49:08 PM): and then yesterday:
wexlackxamity (11:27:08 PM):me and lucas got in another lil spat and im irritated
wexlackxamity (11:28:13 PM):ummm okay so ever since that day when we talked about what we were adn stuff we were good
wexlackxamity (11:28:20 PM):but he doesnt flirt too much with me any more
wexlackxamity (11:28:33 PM):and he isnt all nice as much any more
wexlackxamity (2:42:27 PM): wexlackxamity (11:28:49 PM):and so hell be kind of a btich a lot, it didnt help that he hasnt been s leeping
wexlackxamity (11:29:21 PM):and so he says bitchy things a lot and its getting annoying cause hell tell me one thing then act meanish
wexlackxamity (11:29:31 PM):adn so today he did it again and i finally asked him why the fuck hes doing that
wexlackxamity (11:29:36 PM):and he never responded. i think he feels awkward about melissa bird
wexlackxamity (11:33:31 PM):this morning we got in a lil fight about his theoretical gf
wexlackxamity (11:34:33 PM):ok cause like
wexlackxamity (11:34:36 PM):i told him what karina did
wexlackxamity (11:34:53 PM):and he said he thinks i should slap her in the face
wexlackxamity (11:35:00 PM):and i said thats almsot as bad as slappin your gf
wexlackxamity (11:35:05 PM):and he said my gf?
wexlackxamity (11:35:10 PM):and i said your theoretical gf
wexlackxamity (11:35:12 PM):and he said which one
wexlackxamity (11:35:15 PM):and i was like which what??
wexlackxamity (11:35:22 PM):and he was like which theoretical gf
wexlackxamity (11:35:30 PM):and i was like i didnt mean anyone
wexlackxamity (11:35:41 PM):and he was like well i haev more than one theoretical gf
wexlackxamity (11:35:58 PM):and i was like are you trying to sau the person determines if its ok to slap her? and btw you msnwhore:]
wexlackxamity (11:36:12 PM):and he was like no theyre all slappable, blow me i am not a man whore
wexlackxamity (11:36:26 PM):and i was like how the fuck do you have more than one theoretical gf
wexlackxamity (11:37:03 PM):and i explained that its not like a gf unless you act like youre dating
wexlackxamity (11:37:11 PM):and he said then he guesses he just has one
wexlackxamity (11:37:18 PM):and i told ihm i dont approve of slapping bird
wexlackxamity (11:37:23 PM):and he said he doesnt care what i approve of
x3 cinematic (4:50:53 PM): wow.
wexlackxamity (4:50:56 PM): yeah.
x3 cinematic (4:51:01 PM): douchbag, much?
wexlackxamity (4:51:03 PM): so i stopped talkign to him and he never responded.
x3 cinematic (4:51:07 PM): *douchebag! i can spell.
wexlackxamity (4:51:17 PM): i figure if he wants to talk to me, he can start by crawling back on his knees.
wexlackxamity (4:51:22 PM): i dont have to put up with his shit
x3 cinematic (4:52:20 PM): good for you. (:
wexlackxamity (4:52:22 PM): :]
wexlackxamity (4:52:45 PM): im glad im doing this, because i never ever am the strong one in these situations and its time i start.
x3 cinematic (4:53:04 PM): he used to do that all the time. be really nice and then act like a complete asshole. of course, that was eight grade, and you said he's changed, but still.
wexlackxamity (4:53:12 PM): up until this week he had.
wexlackxamity (4:53:38 PM): he never does anything outright mean, and before if we were kidding around and he went too far hed sincerely apologize
wexlackxamity (4:53:48 PM): and make sure i knew he didnt mean anything and was just joking
wexlackxamity (4:54:02 PM): but i mean, yesterday and the few days before that he seemed like he didnt give a shit
x3 cinematic (4:54:20 PM): i'm proud of you. he's being an asshole.
wexlackxamity (4:54:42 PM): thank you. i hope i can keep it up. because we have a lot in common and hes so easy to talk to. aarghgdsfdfdfrjy.
wexlackxamity (4:54:52 PM): its a good thing i gave up dating though cause it does simplify it
x3 cinematic (4:57:24 PM): mm. i think it's stupid of him to say that he likes people on and off and then refer to them as "theoretical girlfriends." it's not as if he has to like the same person all the time, but it's not fitting to call them that unless there's is actually something solid between them.
wexlackxamity (4:57:35 PM): thats what i told him
wexlackxamity (4:57:47 PM): i told him its just a girl he has a crush on or talks to a lot unless they actually act like theyre dating
wexlackxamity (4:58:03 PM): i think maybe he was fishing to see if i was referrign to myself
wexlackxamity (4:58:12 PM): and then when i didnt
wexlackxamity (4:58:14 PM): it pissed him off
wexlackxamity (4:58:20 PM): but i could be being too egotistical here
x3 cinematic (4:58:29 PM): no, that's a valid hypothesis.
wexlackxamity (4:58:47 PM): i didnt want to do that though, because i didnt want to give him any sort of power over me. :..
x3 cinematic (4:58:59 PM): that makes sense.
wexlackxamity (4:59:08 PM): and its not like i can ask if thats what he was doing, so i guess ill never know unless he tells e
x3 cinematic (5:00:02 PM): which he probably won't.
wexlackxamity (5:00:07 PM): i think i also insulted him when i called him a manwhore. but really. 1. i was kidding and 2. what do you expect when you say yuo have more than one girl who you think of as your girlfriend
x3 cinematic (5:01:32 PM): he should have known you were kidding, and honestly, i probably would have said the same thing. if he's going to be insistent on flirting with several people while he still refers to someone as his "theoretical girlfriend," then he deserves to be called a manwhore.
wexlackxamity (5:01:39 PM):eeexactlyyy.
wexlackxamity (5:02:26 PM): i told him flat out that i dont want to be more than friends but also that i like him on and off, like he does me. i also told him i think hes leading melissa bird in circles because she does like him and he acts like he does but it depends on his mood and hes not doing anything about it. he never commented on that last part.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
well if you love me then just love me
dont you give me pretty words
okay. just to clear the confusion (because from that fight the other day ive gathered that there is some): my decision i made upon making myself single was NOT to give up guys. that would be completely ridiculous, irrational, and unlike myself...not to mention painful. what i decided was that, since every time i become NOT single i become unhappy and complain and get sick of the guy relatively quickly, i should listen to myself for once. i dont like having a boyfriend. i do like boys. i have no problem with hanging out with guys. and flirting with guys. and going out places with guys. and doing stuff with guys.
i just cant take the comittment. so the obvious choice seems to be to not seek it out. im not going to have a boyfriend for a while, even if i find someone i do want to date, because it will just kill it. it never works out with me, mentally or physically. i am not the type whom relationships help feel secure. they stifle me and make me feel im missing something, not to mention guilty and always trying to make sure im not doing anything that can be considered hurtful or cheating. i dont want to be responsible for anyone else's unhappiness. so i wont get serious with anyone to the point where they can call me their girlfriend, and ill be fine.
there are all those dissenters who think im full of shit and wont last a month. ill show you, bitches. i think i mightttt know myself a little bit better than you do. considering, you know, i am myself and when i actually set my mind to something i am in fact capable of sticking to it. :]
on to another topic - im currently talking a lot to the most confusing person ive ever met. i think it stresses me out sometimes. i dont really want to go into that though so we'll leave it at that :]
my wii fit told me i lost five pounds since last time i used it. i think it miscalculated.
okay. just to clear the confusion (because from that fight the other day ive gathered that there is some): my decision i made upon making myself single was NOT to give up guys. that would be completely ridiculous, irrational, and unlike myself...not to mention painful. what i decided was that, since every time i become NOT single i become unhappy and complain and get sick of the guy relatively quickly, i should listen to myself for once. i dont like having a boyfriend. i do like boys. i have no problem with hanging out with guys. and flirting with guys. and going out places with guys. and doing stuff with guys.
i just cant take the comittment. so the obvious choice seems to be to not seek it out. im not going to have a boyfriend for a while, even if i find someone i do want to date, because it will just kill it. it never works out with me, mentally or physically. i am not the type whom relationships help feel secure. they stifle me and make me feel im missing something, not to mention guilty and always trying to make sure im not doing anything that can be considered hurtful or cheating. i dont want to be responsible for anyone else's unhappiness. so i wont get serious with anyone to the point where they can call me their girlfriend, and ill be fine.
there are all those dissenters who think im full of shit and wont last a month. ill show you, bitches. i think i mightttt know myself a little bit better than you do. considering, you know, i am myself and when i actually set my mind to something i am in fact capable of sticking to it. :]
on to another topic - im currently talking a lot to the most confusing person ive ever met. i think it stresses me out sometimes. i dont really want to go into that though so we'll leave it at that :]
my wii fit told me i lost five pounds since last time i used it. i think it miscalculated.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
heres why i hate msc so damn much. read my other post too.
wexlackxamity (7:18:33 PM) : next semester i drop my elective and have biology.
3 msc classes. which means my other ones will be highl y populated with msc kids.
3 msc classes. which means my other ones will be highl y populated with msc kids.
wexlackxamity (7:18:44 PM) : id much rather do advanced classes the noirmal way, i mean like everyone who was in macat is still in advanced classes even if they werent in msc. theres no difference except msc takes your electives and gives you calsses you dont want, and makes you feel embarrassed about your classes.
wexlackxamity (7:19:13 PM) : next year i have a computer class based on the one i didnt understand last year.
wexlackxamity (7:19:18 PM) : which takes up more electives.
wexlackxamity (7:19:32 PM) : and i dont have very many opportunities.
wexlackxamity (7:20:25 PM) : and the teachers always treat you like you should be proud of being in msc and have like events during the day sometimes that are like msc kids and every year we have to takea class picture. and they always assume your close friends are all in msc. because they know most of the kids are socially incompetant.
"katieeee" (7:22:39 PM) : Mmm.
wexlackxamity (7:23:05 PM) : i dont know. i just feel like id get a much more fulfilling experience without being stuck with the same kids ive been stuck with since first grade.
"katieeee" (7:26:02 PM) : Mmm.
"katieeee" (7:26:14 PM) : I don't know if you would or not.
wexlackxamity (7:26:17 PM) : esp. cause i dont like most of them
wexlackxamity (7:26:17 PM) : well
wexlackxamity (7:26:22 PM) : you meet new people, dont you
wexlackxamity (7:26:43 PM) : youre not stuck with alan mcclain and people like that 5 times a day
"katieeee" (7:29:32 PM) : No, I do meet new people.
"katieeee" (7:29:36 PM) : But I meet a lot of new people outside of class.
"katieeee" (7:29:52 PM) : In my Bio class I probably met about 5 new people
"katieeee" (7:30:05 PM) : Basically no new in APUSH or Acc. Eng.
"katieeee" (7:30:10 PM) : Some new in Alg. 2.
wexlackxamity (7:30:17 PM) : you still have the opportunity, though.
"katieeee" (7:30:24 PM) : Yeah, that is true.Y
"katieeee" (7:30:29 PM) : You have hte opportunity too though.I
"katieeee" (7:30:37 PM) : I mean, do you know new people?
"katieeee" (7:30:46 PM) : Your dating one.
wexlackxamity (7:31:01 PM) : yeah im not saying i never meet anyone new . i met mike through the one class ive had yet in high school that wasnt smart people.
wexlackxamity (7:31:07 PM) : im just saying i meet a lot less than i would
"katieeee" (7:31:16 PM) : I don't know. I suppose.
"katieeee" (7:31:21 PM) : I don't feel like I know more peopel than you.
wexlackxamity (7:31:42 PM) : the ones i do know i dont have an opportunity to become friends with usually unless we have friends in common =\
"katieeee" (7:31:57 PM) : Yeah, that is true.
"katieeee" (7:32:04 PM) : And you are stuck wiht the same kids all day.
wexlackxamity (7:32:04 PM) : yeah
wexlackxamity (7:32:06 PM) : thats what i mena
wexlackxamity (7:32:06 PM) : like
wexlackxamity (7:32:10 PM) : if i had other classes
wexlackxamity (7:32:19 PM) : i dont expect to meet an entire class of new friends or anyuthing
wexlackxamity (7:32:26 PM) : but i know that i wouldnt know every single kid in the c lass
wexlackxamity (7:32:37 PM) : and i wouldnt be annoyed by all but like 4 people in that class.
wexlackxamity (7:33:13 PM) : and i would have more elective opportunities for sure
wexlackxamity (7:33:19 PM) : which means id be with normal stupid kids X]
wexlackxamity (7:33:25 PM) : who i thoroughly enjoy
wexlackxamity (7:33:43 PM) : like my history class last year
wexlackxamity (7:33:49 PM) : that i enkjoyed
wexlackxamity (7:34:18 PM) : itd be wonderful if i didnt have to be in a challenging class plus know everyone in it all day. it gets so boring
wexlackxamity (7:34:59 PM) : my msc classes (computers last year, bio next semester, computers next year) take the place of like 6 other classes i could take
wexlackxamity (7:35:08 PM) : all of which would be electives
wexlackxamity (7:35:21 PM) : because im taking ap bio next year
wexlackxamity (7:35:28 PM) : so thats covered.
"tam" (7:58:36 PM) : its a psycologcal aspect, block it out, dont worry about them and completely disregard them, take a calmer, moire relaed, simple view of life
wexlackxamity (7:58:49 PM) : you are not helping at all. what youre saying is not what im worried aboutl.
"tam" (7:59:23 PM) : then what are u worried about?
"tam" (8:00:42 PM) : i mean ur not gonna be in classes with cool older ppl, ur gonna be in classes with anoying freshman and sophomores and mayeb a couple seniors, who u went to middle school with
wexlackxamity (8:03:36 PM) : k. cassies i nthe same classes as us. instead of being with annoying people who never shut the fuck up and youve known for years and years and had to be around for that long, she is with normal people that she meets and shes able to befriend people. even if she doesnt meet new people all thetiem, she has the OPPORTUNITY to. same with katie, and allison and allison, and all these other poeple. they dont know who they are going to be around for 4 years straight. if i wasnt in msc classes, id have more electives and possibly have english and apush with less msc kids who are relatively normal. in my electives would be normal sophomores and id have an opportunity to be with people i talk to but dont know too well because i never had a class with. i am perfectly aware that when i have ap calc its not going to be cool older people. never did i SAY i would be. i said i will be able to take more classes i want to take and put a focus on what i would like to put a focus on, while still taking the same advanced classes. my schedule wouldnt be so structured and i wouldnt have the same kids in 5 classes. and i wouldnt have to take french over the summer. in msc we have so few opportunitesi. if i had wanted to do a career center thing, too bad. no room. i cant take psych or gen psych or mythology or humanities or any art classes because they dont fit into my schedule because its so science and coputer oriented. and its ridiculous.
wexlackxamity (8:04:16 PM) : take health over the summer*
welcome to our world, we are the wasted youth
and we are the future, too.
so i havent had too much to say lately. or i havent had the words to say what i want. i dont know.
things with mike have been good lately. we had another period where he annoyed the shit out of me and i was so confused, but then at the end of last week i got better again and now we are good once again. the rollercoaster of my relationship is fully functioning, i suppose.
lately ive started talking to lucas a lot. this is weird for me...i didnt like him very much when i met him in eighth grade, didnt talk to him last year. but hes different now and i like talking to him. we talk on facebook or through texting. i dont know. we talk about music and scrubs versus house and all my problems.
eric stromberg isnt a douche anymore. wtf is up with that.
so that one person likes me again...still. its odd, but not really unexpected. i could kind of guess that would happen. he knows i know, and its a little odd. he says it hurts whenever he sees me with mike, but he knows that its his fault things turned out that way. he apologizes so often and stuff and i forgave him and said we can be friends because i know that thats all that will happen with it, and i long got over it. i harbor no hard feelings towards him. but its a little awkward being close with him and going out with mike at the same time.
i got into a giaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant fight with madre last night. it was about my freedom (or lack of it) and how she both wont buy me a car and insurance, and how i cant drive with teenagers. i think that leaves me a little bit stuck. she was like "i dont care, you arent driving with your friends. ill drop you off places." sorry, mom, i am not going to be 17 and driven around everywhere by my mom. anyways. when it comes to buying me things (ANYTHING), she always uses the "you are going to be on your own soon and need to learn to be responsible with money and be able to fend for yourself" excuse. however, whenever that excuse will benefit ME, its irrelevant and not the philosophy she lives by. shes afraid of me having too much freedom and getting everything i want in live, and so she makes stupid rules for what i can and cant do. she doesnt trust me at all with anything. not with mike, not with my friends, not to be able to care for myself. and i dont do anything to prove to her that i cant make my own decisions. she was claiming that i am irresponsible. but she cant give me examples. the only one she could come up with was that i never help out around the house without being begged to. just 3 days ago i went downstairs and did laundry without being asked. for the next 2 days she BITCHED at me about how i did it wrong and i put too much in and i shouldnt have touched anyone elses stuff. OHkay. PLEASE explain to me what the FUCK i was expected to do to hang out around the house if shes just going to yell at me for every little inconsequential thing that wasnt done her way. ive never done anything to show to her that i am irresponsible and will go get myself into trouble as soon as she lets go a little bit. she was telling me i have no money saved up for a car or anything which proves that i dont plan into the future. what she doesnt know is that as soon as tam gets her license, we were planning on going to every place we could think of and getting applications to save money for ourselves. jobs not for spending, but for saving. we were waiting till then so that we have a way to GET to said jobs. she told me that i am irresponsible with my babysitting money. heres the problem with that: i make 7 dollars an hour and babysit like once every week, usually less. i dont get an allowance. am i supposed to have NO money for myself? she was telling me other kids do work around the house just to be helpful. yeah, mom, that plus the fact that THEY GET PAID AT THE END OF THE WEEK. THEYRE NO BETTER THAN I AM. i think that if she is going to tell me all this "you need to be responsible with your money and learn to fend for yourself" stuff, she needs to stick to it. she cant use it in her favor when its convinient. she either lets me learn for myself and live like a normal kid, or she doesnt. and buys me a car and insurance like a normal parent who has the ability to do so. she doesnt get that im getting older, i am going to be out of here in two years, and she needs to let me learn how to deal with stuff by myself. one second shes telling me shes not going to hold my hand through life, and then when i want to do something that maybe involves a small risk or she doesnt want me doing, it becomes a case of "my house, my rules." when is she going to let me become independant if she is going to continue to insist on not letting me drive with teenagers (which is completely ridiculous, theyre my FRIENDS and im not an idiot. if theyre doing something wrong or dangerous with their driving, ill speak up. its not like im going to sit there and let myself get killed.) and not letting me go places often without a fight? shes always telling me "im not going to let you go out and do whatever you want, whenever you want." who is she to regulate my life? 'k, you can do this now, and this then, but you cant do anything in between. otherwise you might get the idea into your head that i want you to be happy.'
what the fuck.
i cant wait till i get out of here. shes frickin ridiculous. trust that you raised me right and let me make the distinction between right and wrong myself already.
so i havent had too much to say lately. or i havent had the words to say what i want. i dont know.
things with mike have been good lately. we had another period where he annoyed the shit out of me and i was so confused, but then at the end of last week i got better again and now we are good once again. the rollercoaster of my relationship is fully functioning, i suppose.
lately ive started talking to lucas a lot. this is weird for me...i didnt like him very much when i met him in eighth grade, didnt talk to him last year. but hes different now and i like talking to him. we talk on facebook or through texting. i dont know. we talk about music and scrubs versus house and all my problems.
eric stromberg isnt a douche anymore. wtf is up with that.
so that one person likes me again...still. its odd, but not really unexpected. i could kind of guess that would happen. he knows i know, and its a little odd. he says it hurts whenever he sees me with mike, but he knows that its his fault things turned out that way. he apologizes so often and stuff and i forgave him and said we can be friends because i know that thats all that will happen with it, and i long got over it. i harbor no hard feelings towards him. but its a little awkward being close with him and going out with mike at the same time.
i got into a giaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant fight with madre last night. it was about my freedom (or lack of it) and how she both wont buy me a car and insurance, and how i cant drive with teenagers. i think that leaves me a little bit stuck. she was like "i dont care, you arent driving with your friends. ill drop you off places." sorry, mom, i am not going to be 17 and driven around everywhere by my mom. anyways. when it comes to buying me things (ANYTHING), she always uses the "you are going to be on your own soon and need to learn to be responsible with money and be able to fend for yourself" excuse. however, whenever that excuse will benefit ME, its irrelevant and not the philosophy she lives by. shes afraid of me having too much freedom and getting everything i want in live, and so she makes stupid rules for what i can and cant do. she doesnt trust me at all with anything. not with mike, not with my friends, not to be able to care for myself. and i dont do anything to prove to her that i cant make my own decisions. she was claiming that i am irresponsible. but she cant give me examples. the only one she could come up with was that i never help out around the house without being begged to. just 3 days ago i went downstairs and did laundry without being asked. for the next 2 days she BITCHED at me about how i did it wrong and i put too much in and i shouldnt have touched anyone elses stuff. OHkay. PLEASE explain to me what the FUCK i was expected to do to hang out around the house if shes just going to yell at me for every little inconsequential thing that wasnt done her way. ive never done anything to show to her that i am irresponsible and will go get myself into trouble as soon as she lets go a little bit. she was telling me i have no money saved up for a car or anything which proves that i dont plan into the future. what she doesnt know is that as soon as tam gets her license, we were planning on going to every place we could think of and getting applications to save money for ourselves. jobs not for spending, but for saving. we were waiting till then so that we have a way to GET to said jobs. she told me that i am irresponsible with my babysitting money. heres the problem with that: i make 7 dollars an hour and babysit like once every week, usually less. i dont get an allowance. am i supposed to have NO money for myself? she was telling me other kids do work around the house just to be helpful. yeah, mom, that plus the fact that THEY GET PAID AT THE END OF THE WEEK. THEYRE NO BETTER THAN I AM. i think that if she is going to tell me all this "you need to be responsible with your money and learn to fend for yourself" stuff, she needs to stick to it. she cant use it in her favor when its convinient. she either lets me learn for myself and live like a normal kid, or she doesnt. and buys me a car and insurance like a normal parent who has the ability to do so. she doesnt get that im getting older, i am going to be out of here in two years, and she needs to let me learn how to deal with stuff by myself. one second shes telling me shes not going to hold my hand through life, and then when i want to do something that maybe involves a small risk or she doesnt want me doing, it becomes a case of "my house, my rules." when is she going to let me become independant if she is going to continue to insist on not letting me drive with teenagers (which is completely ridiculous, theyre my FRIENDS and im not an idiot. if theyre doing something wrong or dangerous with their driving, ill speak up. its not like im going to sit there and let myself get killed.) and not letting me go places often without a fight? shes always telling me "im not going to let you go out and do whatever you want, whenever you want." who is she to regulate my life? 'k, you can do this now, and this then, but you cant do anything in between. otherwise you might get the idea into your head that i want you to be happy.'
what the fuck.
i cant wait till i get out of here. shes frickin ridiculous. trust that you raised me right and let me make the distinction between right and wrong myself already.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
don't be alarmed if i fall head over feet
don't be surprised if i love you for all that you are
it's weird, but it's as if my conflicting feelings about it all through the second month never happened. i've fallen for him all over again, it feels just like it did at first. i think i remembered how to act around him and i stopped freaking about being tied down. at the mall i didn't even consider looking for hot guys because i didn't even care. i was perfectly content with just him.
i suddenly want to spend all my time with him all over again. i don't want space anymore, i want to be with him all the time. it's like a crush on a new guy....only he's not a new guy. is it always like this? do you always go through a rough patch and then if you make it through, it's like it was before when everything was great? because if it is, i'm sure i'll be fine. i know at least if it happens once more, i'll be ready and i'll be okay because i know there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.
it's an awesome feeling. i'm flying.
it's weird, but it's as if my conflicting feelings about it all through the second month never happened. i've fallen for him all over again, it feels just like it did at first. i think i remembered how to act around him and i stopped freaking about being tied down. at the mall i didn't even consider looking for hot guys because i didn't even care. i was perfectly content with just him.
i suddenly want to spend all my time with him all over again. i don't want space anymore, i want to be with him all the time. it's like a crush on a new guy....only he's not a new guy. is it always like this? do you always go through a rough patch and then if you make it through, it's like it was before when everything was great? because if it is, i'm sure i'll be fine. i know at least if it happens once more, i'll be ready and i'll be okay because i know there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.
it's an awesome feeling. i'm flying.
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